words destroy the litany of lies told by Portuguese
cops to paint them as cold and calculating. Kate
wrote: 'I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's
like torture' a slow painful death.'
FOR months the Portuguese police leaked
carefully selected extracts from
secret diary, chosen to deliberately paint her
and husband Gerry as the ice couple' cold,
dispassionate and emotionless in the face of
three-year-old Madeleine's abduction.
Now, for the first time, the News of the World
can fill in the blanks and nail those lies. The
135-page journal covering April 28, 2007 to
Tuesday, July 31, was passed to us by a reporter
in Portugal appalled by the sickening smear
campaign against the McCann's.
Kate's log of the dark days after Madeleine
vanished from their holiday flat reveals the
true picture of the tortured woman behind the
calm, brave face she had to portray in public,
as initial disbelief and numbness gave way to
desperation and rage. Often she includes
touching messages of love to her missing
daughter. It confirms the strength Kate drew
from her devout
admits the doubts the trauma forced her to face.
THE entry for the fateful day
Madeleine McCann vanished 'May 3, 2007'makes chilling reading in her
mother's diary, because it started out so NORMAL.
40, records that it began much like any other since
the family arrived at the Mark Warner Ocean Club in
Praia da Luz on Portugal's Algarve coast' one long,
happy round of swimming, tennis, kids' club, games
But knowing what
is about to befall them turns Kate's simple account
of the children's evening bedtime routine into a
MAY 3: Milk and biscuits
for the kids. I left them with this and books and
games and went to have a quick shower/wash my hair.
M (Madeleine) tired' sitting on my lap' I read the
story of Mog (favourite children's book).
Brush teeth. To
the bedroom with the kids. M pulls away and puts her
head on pillow. Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the
door to as far as possible without shutting it.
Dry hair. Put
make-up on. Glass of wine. Restaurant.
nearby with friends 'dubbed the
took turns to check the children. At 10pm Kate
discovers Madeleine gone. The McCann's and helpers
frantically scour the area until 4am.)
MAY 4: No sleep, Gerry and
I started looking through the streets around 06.00
as it was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why
Minutes seem like
hours. Outside of the apartments masses of people
asking questions about that night and for
descriptions of Madeleine. Long day.
(Then Kate, Gerry
and their seven friends were taken to the
Judiciaria, or PJ, headquarters in nearby Portimao
to give statements.)
Nobody from the
police introduced themselves. Nobody offered us a
drink or food. All the police dressed informally and
smoking. No sympathy was shown and far from
I believe my
statement would have been around 15.00 and such.
They allowed G (Gerry) to come in with me but seated
behind me. Translator present.
The police officer
who took us by car to the station was the one asking
the questions and afterwards typed the answers on a
We left the police
station around 7.30pm to 8pm. After 15 minutes we
received a call from the PJ saying we had to go back
but they didn't tell us why. We turned around and
flew back at around 200 kilometres an hour. Once
again frightening. Did they find her' Please God. Is
she dead' Prayers. We arrived' they showed us a photo
of a girl they'd forgotten to show us from the close
circuit TV footage. Not M. Devastating.
Madeleine is four years old. Day at resort
with holiday group. Special Mass for Madeleine at
18.00 in Praia da Luz.
MAY 14: I slept well last
night after a not very good end of the day,
frustration with the FLO (Portuguese police family
liaison officer) asking me where would my little M
I got up at 06.50.
I dealt with some trifles and got myself ready for
the statement to the press at 08.00.
I tried to put on
a slightly more presentable and 'healthy' air. Gerry
again gave a great performance.
Following on we
answered about four questions. I almost responded to
the first one asking how we were, but I didn't. I
did answer a question on our possible return home. I
replied that obviously I didn't even think about
that. Anyway, it seemed to have gone well. After
breakfast and our having left S and A, (twins Sean
and Amelie, then aged two) we went to church to pray
in silence. Very good, calming.
After getting back
I decided to go running' for the first time since THE
day (already 11 days ago). I knew that it was going
to be physically difficult, but I also knew that I
wasn't going to give up, because it was for
Madeleine and also because the level of pain is far
No cameras or
journalists, which was great. I went running towards
the beach and then along it and again climbed that
hill so steep 'without stopping! (I carried a photo
of M in my hand to keep me going.) On the last hill
past the tennis courts my legs completely weak, but
I managed to keep myself walking. I managed to reach
the apartment then time to stop' to think' I felt
really quite calm.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 23:
(then Chancellor and PM in waiting) called and
spoke with Gerry -very kind and giving
Feeling a bit
MAY 26: We went to an
amusement park with the kids. Some phone calls,
emails etc. Not a very good day for either the two
of us' some dark thoughts/ frustrations/ desperation
creeping in. Some tears.
(Then in a moving
little message to Madeleine) I love you so much XXX
MAY 27: Clarence
Mitchell, Foreign Office family liaison at the time)
spoke to us about a possible trip to the Vatican. It
seems that it really is going to happen' main story
on the news!
Spoke to Dad. I
went for a walk to the beach with
Sean and Amelie.
Frozen. Beach' slippery, wet feet.
We all had dinner
when we got back to the apartment.
We have to keep
looking. We have to find you beloved xxxxx.
(Kate signed off
the day's entry by drawing a heart with 'I LOVE
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30: (After
trip to see
detailed above) The kids went to
bed again around 9pm!!! Low point of
tonight' becoming desperate/without hope because of
the lack of information. They are acting like they
have no leads at all. Very worried.
Tomorrow it will
be 4 weeks since Madeleine was taken. Four weeks
since we saw our special little girl. We are not
certain that we will ever see her again, but know
that we have to keep up our hope and strength' for
the others, at least. Exhausted.
I love you so
much, Madeleine. You must come back! X
JUNE 1: Quite fed up...I
can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear
of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could
have ended like this'
This week I have
been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God,
bring her back.
becoming more and more of a challenge.
JUNE 2: I can't remember
today (which is now yesterday!). The morning was
spent doing paperwork. I wrote a letter to
Rowling, asking for her help in keeping M in the
public eye. She has a new Harry Potter book which
will come out in July. I asked if it would be
possible to do something like a bookmark with M on.
afternoon' I never felt so relaxed. I felt it was
wrong. S and A had fun and that was important. I
also worried about what people might think, like
'How can they manage to...''
It seems that Sean
is liking the beach more these days. We had tea in a
nearby restaurant' good, despite still thinking that
I had to do normal things without feeling guilty. We
left around 7.30pm and the kids were completely
Fed up again 'poor
M. Once again it took a long time before S and A
were sorted. Finally went to church for 10 minutes.
Cried again in
bed' I can't avoid it. I need her close to me.
Thinking about her fear of pain breaks my heart.
Thinking about paedophiles makes me want to tear at
my own skin. Of course these people, like
psychopaths, aren't 'normal' human beings. I was
never in favour of the death penalty, but these
people should be kept in a secure place. I wouldn't
even complain if it was in nice surroundings, but,
certainly in the case of paedophiles always
distanced from any type of contact with children.
Whose human rights
are more important' Those of a paedophile or of a
vulnerable, defenceless child'
JUNE 5: Woke up relatively
late again, around 7.30am, with a good morning
wake-up call from S and A. Adorable!! I just wish it
had been all three of them that came into the room.
After a shower and breakfast, I took S and A to the
Kids' Club. I asked if they could make birthday
cards for their Grandma and Gerry' today is his
birthday but I had forgotten which is not
JUNE 7: The Press
conference went well. People are always asking how
we are managing to cope, how we can manage to run a
campaign, as if we are strange because we are able
to appear calm and controlled and aren't going under
all the time. They know so little. Nobody should
judge or criticise because, unless they have already
been in this situation, they have NO IDEA how they
would be and certainly NO IDEA how painful it is. NO
IDEA AT ALL. I love you so much Madeleine xxxx
I can't bear this.
I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's like
torture' a slow, painful death. I hope her suffering,
if she is suffering, is much less. Please God.
JUNE 17: Cherie Blair
(then the Premier's wife) phoned to find out how we
We talked about
everything in general, including about them leaving
Number 10. She agreed as well to make a 20-second
video clip for our broadcast on YouTube about
Madeleine and children who have disappeared.
I also had the
chance to speak to
Tony (then Prime Minister) who
told me that we weren't to hesitate to ask him if
there was something he could do to help.
On Sky News
tonight they suddenly said the Portuguese police had
stated that the crime scene had been
contaminated' because of us' and that fundamental
evidence had been lost. How dare they insinuate that
our daughter's life could be put in danger because
of us. Very angry. Very upset.
I want to speak to
someone now, but it's too late.
I changed my mind
and I sent a text message to Ricardo (Portuguese
police family liaison officer). I don't know if was
a sensible idea but I feel really annoyed.
My darling little
Madeleine, you know that we wouldn't do anything to
put you in danger.
I love you very
much and I am in agony right now.
I only have to
hope that God helps us all now and that he brings
you back to us, safe and sound, very soon.
I need you to come
back Madeleine. You are the best thing in my life
that has ever happened to me. XXXXX
I ended up feeling
very upset. Everything overflowed. Terrified that we
might not get Madeleine back. I simply cannot face
that. Tears, despair, rage, helplessness. I spoke to
Gerry, recited prayers. Please God, bring her back
I fell asleep
JUNE 18: I spent a few
lovely hours with Sean and Amelie building a
sandcastle with a moat, getting big hugs from Sean,
meal and a little playtime with the kids.
(But as night
closes in Kate's anguish returns.)
I cant stand
living like this. It's so painful and distressing.
Dear Lord, PLEASE answer our prayers. PLEASE send
Madeleine back to us. PLEASE.
I love you so, so
much Madeleine, more than anything XXXXX.
JUNE 19: Last night I
didn't manage to get to sleep until around 1am
because I was so upset again. It's so painful to be
without Madeleine and I can't stand to think that it
could be like this forever. This simply cannot
Good night, good
night Madeleine, I'm longing to read you a bedtime
story again. I love you my little darling X.
I'm longing to
read you a bedtime story again. I love you my little
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20: There
is still no sign of Madeleine. I didn't feel like it
so I decided not to go running.
Went to pick up
Gerry from the airport. It was so good to see him.
Just before we reached the apartment we saw a man
lying in the middle of the street, so we stopped the
car and got out. It was no surprise to see that he
was drunk (we've all been there!) but he recognised
Gerry and me immediately. Gerry walked him round to
JUNE 21: I went to the
church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in
peace. I got a bit annoyed, I don't understand why
God doesn't answer my prayers. I think I need a sign
of some sort. I miss her so much. It is so painful
and I don't feel my life is complete and I won't
ever feel it is complete, if she doesn't come home.
Gerry came down later on to be with me.
Apart from a glass
of wine, chocolate and this diary, there's nothing
much else to tell.
I LOVE YOU
MADELEINE. GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT X X X.
JUNE 22: I miss Madeleine
loads and that's a real understatement. Sometimes I
think I must have done something so bad. (Then Kate
recalls the IVF treatment she needed to get
pregnant) It was so difficult and painful 'trying'
to have Madeleine and now this!!!
Why''' Bad luck'''
A sick joke''' And then I think I don't want to
think about me' I'm an adult, but Madeleine, dear,
sweet, vulnerable, beautiful Madeleine... and I just
feel like screaming. WHY'
Dear Lord, I
continue to ask, continue to hope, continue to try
to have faith in You. Please help us. Put an end to
this nightmare. Please help Madeleine. PLEASE LORD.
Madeleine, I love
you with all my heart. You are part of my being and
I will never feel whole without you. I hope and pray
for the day, hopefully soon, when we will be
reunited and together again FOREVER. I miss you so
much. I need you. I love you. XXXXXXXXXXX
JUNE 23: I woke up after
7am hesitating (again!) about going running but
eventually I built up enough enthusiasm to convince
Gerry that we should go. He ran quite well and
without a doubt it was worth us going.
Will we see her
again one day' How can this end well now' She's so
precious. God I need you to do something soon. I'm
so desperate and suffering so much.
This evening I
felt quite low again. It's the awful uncertainty,
helplessness and worry. It's really unbearable. I
only want to be able to hide or hibernate until this
is all over and Madeleine is back. Please make sure
The usual' dinner,
a few drinks and emails. Good night. Good night my
darling, longing to lie down...
JUNE 24: Oh, Madeleine, I
find the nights so difficult and only God knows how
things are going to find you. I just want to say,
once again, that you have been the most special and
amazing thing that ever happened to me.
I've never felt
such love for another person. I hope and I trust
that God and Mary are protecting you and I only know
that Dad and I and all your wonderful family and
friends will continue to search for you, and we all
long for the day when you will be back with us
again' FOREVER! XX
Good night. Good
night darling. I love you XXXXXXXX
JUNE 26: I went for a
short walk to the shops nearby. I had heard that
there was a paedophile there. Nice, isn't it'
If people informed
us about these criminals of course we'd be more
cautious and we'd feel safer!
read two books of messages that had been
delivered... There were three horrible ones. One
from a former Met Police officer' very insensitive/
cruel and far from constructive! Another said 'R.I.P. Maddie'
surprisingly I was very upset and I went out to the
rocks on the beach. I cried a lot and spoke to
Madeleine and to God. I was still not ready to go
but Gerry was calling me. The police had arrived, as
planned, at the apartment. I calmed down and went to
the meeting with the police. Everything seems to be
so slow. We finished at around 7pm so I went to be
with the kids and tell them bedtime stories. I had
dinner, had a few drinks despite having said I
wanted it without alcohol!! We talked some more.
Madeleine, I feel such fear and dread when I think
of you. Every day and every night, it is TOO MUCH. I
can only have hope and trust in God and Mary to look
after you and bring you back to us soon.
I'm so sorry if
I/we let you down. I hope you know how fond of you
we are and that we would NEVER do anything
intentionally that would put you in danger' of any
kind. You are so precious to me. You make me so
happy and I miss you so much. Please God, please
Mary, keep watch over our sweet Madeleine. Keep her
safe and sound and bring her back to us soon! X X
JULY 2: (The day the
McCann's had to move from the Ocean Club apartment to
a rented house.)
I started to put
everything in the suitcases and then I took S and A
to the Kids' Club around 09.20 and then I came back
to pack the cases. We moved everything to the house
around 10:30. Although now I think that it is a good
thing to move to the house' with a bit more
privacy' everything feels wrong and painful without
Madeleine. I cannot believe that this has happened.
She is so loving and I desperately want her back.
Sean and Amelie appeared very excited about the 'new
house' especially with regard to their room. After
lunch on the terrace, Gerry filled the Jacuzzi with
cold water and the children enjoyed themselves
immensely in their 'swimming pool'. I went to look
for Chinese food for 4.
Oh dear Madeleine,
where are you' Are you nearby' Please keep well and
be strong, my little one. We are desperate to find
you. We love you very much. You are so special. I
long to give you the biggest hug in the WORLD!! I
miss you so much. I love you so much my dear
JULY 5: I got up at 7.15.
Gerry went for a run.
NOTHING is or will
be as good again without Madeleine.
I am thinking
about you a lot, dearest Madeleine, and praying a
lot so that we find you soon' alive and unharmed.
Stay strong' you
know that we all love you very very very much XXXXX.
JULY 6: (The day a man was
arrested in Holland for a cruel hoax intended to
extort '1.3million from the McCann's in return for
details of the kidnappers and Madeleine's location.)
I wrote my emails and finished our statement for
when the story broke about the Dutch man's extortion
unemployed, says that he was bored and wanted to
play with our emotions. Bastard. David Miliband (the
new Foreign Secretary) phoned Gerry to offer
JULY 7: We had breakfast
and got the children ready as usual. At 10.30 the
four of us went to the Algarve Shopping Centre.
The plan was to
buy sandals and some other things for the children.
However the journey was a disaster. We had to stop
three times on the way there, since Sean and Amelie
were crying alternately.
of the one
I began to feel
that it had been a wasted day, even though Sean and
Amelie had some good goes in Noddy's car and
Popeye's boat. The return journey was slightly more
I had a 'moment'
while we were having lunch. I saw a woman who looked
pregnant and I began to think about when I was
pregnant with Sean and Amelie. And then it hit me.
(Kate then remembers a touching scene from the
past.) Madeleine was coming to visit us later that
evening, the look of wonder on her face, and
afterwards she got in beside me in bed. She was and
is so adorable' a real jewel, a real gift. And I
painfully miss her.
At around 18.00
went to church. It was good... there was nobody else
there. Later Gerry turned up and joined me and we
went down as far as the rocks on the beach and
talked a little about Madeleine. But I began to feel
slightly pessimistic and fearful. Please, my God,
prove to us that we are not wrong. But I was feeling
worse. Please, my God, let this have a happy ending.
I have been
thinking a lot about you today, Madeleine. I am so
worried and frightened for you. I can only hope that
God has you in his hands and brings you back to us
soon. Please, my God, help us, help Madeleine.
We love her and we
need her so much, and she loves us and needs us.
Please, please, please make it so that we have some
good news soon. Good night darling. I love you. (I
can hardly wait to say 'See you tomorrow.') XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
JULY 12: I hate the person
who took my Madeleine'the same one who has caused
all this trouble, who made us feel worthless and
mistrustful and mainly who has frightened my
beautiful Madeleine. I will never forgive that
person/those people for this. Never.
Today I washed the
Cuddle Cat (Madeleine's favourite soft toy and a
constant comfort to heartbroken Kate). I was hoping
not to have to do it until Madeleine returns, but it
was now quite dirty and smelly, unfortunately
without the smell of Madeleine on it. XX
JULY 17: Finding it very
difficult to talk to people from home, unless they
are directly involved. It is difficult to show an
interest in other people's lives and children at the
moment. I know it sounds horrible, selfish and
egocentric, but at the moment I can only think about
Madeleine. I don't want to hear about anyone having
babies or getting pregnant (mainly because it was
all so very difficult for us). I'm worried about
turning into a bitter, angry woman, that would be
horrible. Please God bring Madeleine back and let
this nightmare end.
Please don't let
our lives be destroyed by this. Please don't let
them hurt Madeleine.
Earlier today I
found Amelie in our room looking at photos of
Madeleine and she said: 'I miss my sister. Where's
I couldn't believe
it. I didn't realise Amelie's vocabulary and use of
words was so good. I just said: 'I miss her too.
We'll find her soon.' What a little sweetheart!
She then turned
her attention to something else.
We took turns
jumping into the water with the kids, which was
great fun. After a DVD and a story it was the twins'
bedtime which didn't take too long tonight.
Madeleine, we are all with you darling.
Keep strong, be
patient, we'll keep on going till we find you. I
love you so much. We hope and pray we'll see you
WEDNESDAY, JULY 18: It was
suggested that Madeleine is dead and buried in an
area close to the beach, behind the cliff.
What can I say' I
feel my body's on the verge of collapse. How much
pain and emotion can one body take' I had a bad
afternoon. I was very worried, desperate, extremely
on edge. I don't think I can take any more of this,
I really can't. How much longer will this suffering
go on' I need Madeleine ALIVE.
JULY 21: I continue to
feel very low. I miss Madeleine so much. It's as if
a ray of light has disappeared from my life. There's
no doubt that Madeleine is that ray and I miss her
more than words can say.
We just wrote our
blogs/diaries. Once again those dark thoughts
returned, linked with feelings of anxiety, fear and
worry. How much longer will we have to cope with
My poor, poor
Madeleine. Why, Lord' My heart aches with so much
love for you, Madeleine. I just hate being without
(Kate then relives
the last time they saw Madeleine in the Ocean Club
If I could go back
in time, I would. I have clear recollections of that
night. You were so tired. After your baths, you sat
on my knee and put my wedding ring on your finger.
We (me, you, Sean and Amelie) read 'Mog' in the
living area and then 'if you're happy and you know
it'. We all sat down on your bed.
Then you counted
the squares on the last page. You were always
counting things on pages...always laying your head
on your pillow at the same time every night.
Madeleine you make me so happy. I just want you
home. I love you so much. XXXXXXX
JULY 23: I got up at 7.00
and went running. I was surrounded by a pack of dogs
(more or less 12)'it really wasn't a nice
experience. I went to the flat, high part of the
cliff as I felt really alone and a little
frightened. Please God, don't let Madeleine be
buried here. Please God, make sure she's alive.
Please God, bring her back quickly to us.
I took S and A to
the Kids' Club at 9.45 then I went to church to pray
a little on my own.
moment of happiness with Sean and Amelie, who are
both so delightful, is mixed with deep sadness. All
I want is Madeleine to be safe and happy again.
Baths, stories and
some bedtime chaos from Sean and Amelie before I
finally put them to bed at 21.15.
I spent some time
on the internet reading about Sarah Payne (Roy
Whiting), Eliz. Smart (Brian Mitchell) and the Peter
Voisey case (he abducted a six-year-old girl from
the bath in North Tyneside). Really horrible.
sweetheart. I'm trying to be positive. I need to be
because I need to believe that you're going to come
back to me, so I can go back to being truly happy. I
love you XXX.
JULY 24: Sean and Amelie
had lots of fun in the Jacuzzi' laughter galore!
Carrot sticks and crisps were had by all at teatime.
Madeleine. It pains me to think of you' it causes me
such sorrow and I have no idea how you feel. I pray
to God that you are well, that you are not hurt. I
pray that God keeps you safe and sound and that
you're not afraid, nor in pain.
Please God, answer
my prayers and please, please, please bring
Madeleine back to us very soon, for our own
happiness. Please God.
sweetheart, I love you so much. I can't stop saying
it. Night, night darling. We will keep hoping and
having faith in God. XXXXXXX.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 25: I
received some bad news last night. A friend has
breast cancer and has just received her first dose
of chemotherapy following surgery. Horrible. I will
include her in my prayers.
At around 15.30 I
went for a run. I had begun to feel restless and
worried about Madeleine. It was hot and hard work,
but I felt better for having gone.
We returned at
around 18.15'the children's dinner and baths, our
children's once again!).
sweetheart, you are the most important thing, the
only thing that matters. Words cannot describe how I
feel about you nor how restless, tormented, alone,
sad and incomplete I feel.
I will continue to
hope and pray that you come back to us soon but I
don't want to think about how good it would be to
feel something like that' not yet, at least.
I love you so, so
much darling. I remember sitting watching you
through the glass window when you were having your
swimming lessons on a Saturday morning. There you
were with your yellow swimsuit, ever so pretty and
you were smiling and waving at me, and the tears
rolled down my face!
I was and am still
so proud of you, Madeleine, and my love for you is
never-ending. I can't stop saying how much I love
you dearly. I'm going to try and stay strong for you
and you have to do the same. You know we love you
and we are going to keep going until we find you
All my love,
Madeleine. Night, night. Sleep well. May God protect
JULY 28: I got up at 7.30
after a late and disturbed night of sleep.
At around 16.20 we
had a dip in the Jacuzzi. Sean and Amelie loved it.
After tea I went to the small church. I was a little
It's really hard
for me not to worry about the small things. I wonder
does anyone brush her teeth' She looks so happy in
that photo taken on that last day.
I know I'm
repeating myself but I can't stop myself from saying
how much I love you, Madeleine. I'll say it as many
times as I need to. You're so, so special. XXXXX.
JULY 31: (The day before
police seized the diary) I got up early after
another late and very disturbed night.
I dropped by the
church. I feel better after these short
I cooked my first
meal (since they took Madeleine!!) for dinner
Please God' make me
right. Please God' protect her. Please God' bring her
back to us soon!
Madeleine, by dearest little angel. My sweetheart,
my darling, my love, my companion. I love you more
than anything. Lots of hugs my darling. I'm going to
dream that I'm lying by your side' moments I'll
always cherish and I long to have again.
Sweet dreams my
little one. Be strong. Mummy XXXXX.
Pope was so gentle and so sincere
DEVOUT Catholic Kate's nerves were on edge as she
and Gerry prepared to meet the Pope at the Vatican
on May 30.
On May 28 she
wrote: 'I felt somewhat concerned. This is going to
be a little too much, I only want Madeleine back and
to return to our normal life.'
Two days later her
diary recalls: 'Pope Benedict XVI arrived in his
'pope mobile' waving to everyone. It immediately
became clear that he recognised us. He took hold of
our hands and he was so gentle, so sincere.
'I thanked him for
having allowed us to be there with him. He said he
would pray for us and that he would continue to pray
for Madeleine and for her safe return. I gave him
the photo of Madeleine' he blessed it (with the
thumb)' something that we would be able to keep for
ever. A shy man but very friendly.
very positive, very important' charming.
bring back to us little Madeleine. We love her so
much and we miss her so much. Please Lord, help us
to be united once again shortly as a family.
Clarence (Foreign Office family liaison) told me
that, before that (meeting the Pope), a butterfly
had flown above and had landed on the bow on my
'Following on, it
left, but it came back and landed on my lapel. An
omen, we hope.'