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My sweetheart, my darling...Kate McCann's secret Madeleine diary revealed

HOMEPAGE NEWS REPORTS INDEX KATE & GERRY MCCANN NEWS SEPTEMBER 2008
Original Source: MAIL: 14 SEPTEMBER 2008

By TOM KELLY Last updated at 12:32 AM on 15th September 2008

SECOND VERSION

McCann's secret diary recording her private hell as she struggled to cope with her daughter's disappearance was revealed yesterday.

 

The journal describes how she was overwhelmed by 'black thoughts' as she contemplated Madeleine's ordeal and her anger at those who judged her 'calm and controlled' behaviour at press conferences.

 

In one entry, the depths of her anguish are laid bare as she addresses her missing daughter: 'My sweetheart, my darling, my love, my companion. I love you more than anything.

 

'I'm going to dream that I'm lying by your side  -  moments I'll always cherish and I long to have again.'

 

The 40-year-old GP also attacks the Portuguese police as 'morose' and outlines her frustration at their uninspiring hunt for the three-year-old less than 24 hours after she vanished.

 

Mrs McCann started the 135-page journal a few days before Madeleine went missing from the apartment in the Algarve resort of Praia da Luz where the family were holidaying.

 

A copy of the journal was later seized by Portuguese police and selected extracts leaked to the local media in an apparent attempt to depict Mrs McCann as cold and emotionless.

 

But on Sunday, the diary was published in full after a Portuguese journalist, angry at the alleged smear campaign, handed a copy to The News of the World.

 

In it, Mrs McCann gives a detailed account of putting Madeleine to bed on May 3 last year, before heading out to dinner with her husband and a group of friends.

 

She wrote: 'Brush teeth. To the bedroom with the kids.

 

'M pulls away and puts her head on pillow. Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the door to as far as possible without shutting it.

 

'Silence. Dry hair. Put make-up on. Glass of wine. Restaurant.'

 

She later describes the frantic hunt for her daughter after discovering Madeleine had vanished as they ate.

 

'No sleep, Gerry and I started looking through the streets around 06.00 as it was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why not? Desperate.

 

'Minutes seem like hours. Outside of the apartments masses of people asking questions about that night and for descriptions of Madeleine.

 

'Long day.'

 

Mrs McCann also describes the scene later that day when they were taken to the police station in nearby Portimao to give statements.

 

She wrote: 'Nobody from the police introduced themselves.

 

Nobody offered us a drink or food. No sympathy was shown and far from inspiring.

 

'The police officer who took us by car to the station was the one asking the questions and afterwards typed the answers on a typewriter. Morose.'

 

Mrs McCann also records her anger at the constant questions about how she managed to appear so 'calm and controlled' during appeals.

 

She wrote: 'They know so little.

 

'Nobody should judge or criticise because, unless they have already been in this situation, they have NO IDEA how they would be and certainly NO IDEA how painful it is. NO IDEA AT ALL.'

 

And she tells of her private agony over her daughter's ordeal, noting on June 1: 'Can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear and pain.

 

'How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts.'

 

She also reveals why she took the agonising decision to wash her daughter's toy Cuddle Cat: 'Today I washed Cuddle Cat. I was hoping not to do it until Madeleine returns, but it was quite dirty and smelly, but unfortunately without the smell of Madeleine on it.'

 

A month after her daughter's disappearance, she describes how thinking about paedophiles 'makes me want to tear at my own skin'.

 

She adds: 'I was never in favour of the death penalty, but these people should be kept in a secure place.

 

'Whose human rights are more important? Those of a paedophile or of a vulnerable, defenceless child?'

 1st Version 

September 2007

01 MAIL-13-09-2007

Kate McCann's Madeleine diaries could fetch 1 million from publishers

 

July 2008

02

CORREIO DA MANHA 26-07-2008

Kate forced political pressure Revelations Maddie's mother's notes prove Goncalo Amaral right
     
03 CORREIO DA MANHA 27-07-2008 Secrets of Kate: Walks were staged
     
04 CORREIO DA MANHA 27-07-2008 Kate managed the news and controlled the English
     
05 CORREIO DA MANHA 28-07-2008 Kate irritated with the PJ on the first day
     
06

CORREIO DA MANHA 28-07-2008

Policeman irritates Kate for not offering coffee
     
07 SUN 28-07-08 Kate's Maddie diaries leaked
     
08

CORREIO DA MANHA 29-07-2008

Kate tried everything to accuse Murat
     
09

CORREIO DA MANHA1-29-7-2008

Kate tried everything to accuse Murat -1
     
10

CORREIO DA MANHA 30-7-2008

McCanns pressure PJ
     
11

CORREIO DA MANHA 31-07-2008

Kate tried to hide twins' tantrums
 

August 2008

12

CORREIO_DA_MANHA 01-08-2008

Kate McCann devalued clues
     
13

CORREIO_DA_MANHA1 -01-08-2008

Kate devalued 'leads' of Maddie  
 

September 2008

14 ANTENA3 11-09-2008 Kate McCann was obsessed with getting her children to sleep
     
15 NEWS OF THE WORLD 14-09-2008 Read Kate  McCann's diary
     
16 MAIL 14-09-2008 Kate McCann's secret diary: 'How can I go on knowing Madeleine's life could have ended like this?'
     
17 MAIL1 14-09-2008 My sweetheart, my darling...Kate McCann's secret Madeleine diary revealed Daily Mail
     
18 TELEGRAPH_15_09_2008 Madeleine McCann: Kate McCann's diary reveals anguish of losing her
     
19 EXPRESS- 15-09-2008 HEARTBREAK DIARY REVEALS KATE'S ANGER AND DESPAIR
     
20 GUARDIAN 18-09-08 News of the World in hot water for publishing Kate McCann's diaries
     
21 MIRROR-19-09-2008

Kate McCann furious at publication of diary in Sunday tabloid

     
22 SUN-19-09-2008 Kate McCann: An apology
     
23 NEWS OF THE WORLD 20-09-08 Kate McCann apology
     
24 SKY NEWS-21-09-2008 Paper's Apology Over Kate's Diary
     
Kate McCanns Diary & Gerry McCanns Blog Comparison

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