McCann: Faith rocked by daughter's disappearance
devastating abduction of her daughter Madeleine caused her to question
The former doctor, known to be a devout Catholic, said her life had been
"weighed down by guilt" since the three-year-old was snatched during a
family holiday in Portugal in 2007.
an extract from her book Madeleine, to be published on Thursday, Mrs
McCann said: "There have been many times when I've felt God has deserted
me or that He has let Madeleine down. I've occasionally doubted His
existence altogether. And yes, I've been angry with Him."
Mrs McCann said she did not blame God for her daughter's disappearance
because the abductor was responsible.
But she said she struggled with the fact the family still "do not have
She added: "How can so much suffering and injustice be heaped upon one
"It is said God only gives you a cross he knows you can bear. Well, I'm
afraid this cross has been far too heavy for far too long.
"For now, though, at least, my anger towards God seems to have subsided.
I believe in Him and I still feel His presence."
She also stressed she believed that "wherever Madeleine is, God is with
Mrs McCann, from Rothley, Leicestershire, had been dining with her
husband Gerry and seven friends at a tapas restaurant 100 metres from
the youngster's room in the resort of
Praia du Luz when Madeleine vanished.
another extract, serialised in the Sun, Mrs McCann said her sexual
desire "plummeted to zero" after Madeleine was snatched.
She detailed "two continuing reasons" for this, saying: "The first was
my inability to permit myself any pleasure, whether it be reading a book
or making love to my husband.
"The second stemmed from the revulsion stirred up by my fear that
Madeline had suffered the worst fate we could imagine: falling into the
hands of a paedophile."
Proceeds from the 384-page book, which Mrs McCann has written herself
without the aid of a ghost writer, will boost the dwindling fund to
search for her daughter.