Three years after the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, can we feel confident about our children’s safety?

Who can forget Madeleine McCann’s face?

For months after she went missing on holiday in Praia Da Luz in May 2007, it seemed like her image – with that distinctive blemish in her right eye – was everywhere. Recently, Lorraine Kelly exclusively interviewed Kate and Gerry McCann to mark the third anniversary of their daughter’s disappearance from their holiday apartment.

By now, the story of that night in the Ocean Club resort is well-told. Having tucked Madeleine up in bed next to her twin siblings Sean and Amelie, they popped out for dinner to a nearby restaurant, returning regularly to check on them.

Madeleine’s story
For three years Kate and Gerry have lived almost every moment of the hunt for their daughter in the media spotlight, going through private moments of anguish in public. A huge number of us felt – and continue to feel – deeply touched by their plight. Most parents struggle to contemplate how the McCanns cope not knowing what happened. But Madeleine’s disappearance has also raised a crucial issue. Is it OK to leave a young child asleep on her own, even if you’re not far away? Not only have the McCanns had to cope with the loss of a child, but also inevitable guilt about doing so – and public criticism for their decision.

‘If we could turn back the clock and change what happened, we wouldn’t have done it,’ Gerry told Lorraine. Madeleine would now be seven years old, and her parents are still looking for her. ‘In my heart I feel she’s out there,’ Kate told Lorraine. ‘There’s nothing to say she isn’t.’ Hoping to keep the campaign alive, they’ve launched a summer holiday pack for Brits to take abroad. It’s important to keep Madeleine’s face in the media to increase the chances of her being found, but the huge exposure of her case has reinforced our fear of what could happen to our own children.

Are we too cautious?
Abductions are actually far rarer than we might think. Statistics show that a child is more likely to be injured or killed in a car accident than be snatched by a stranger. Figures released under the Freedom of Information Act showed that around 470 children were abducted from the UK and taken abroad illegally in 2008. But most of these involved parents who kidnapped their own child after losing custody because of a marriage breakdown.

Yet experts are concerned that an increasing number of people are so fearful of potential dangers to their children that they overprotect them. The result is more children driven to and from school, having supervised ‘playdates’, or just encouraged to stay inside. ‘Very rarely are children seen on the streets, playing outside, taking themselves to school, because we live in such a risk-averse and paranoid culture around child safety. We need resilient children, not cosseted ones,’ said clinical psychologist and TV presenter Professor Tanya Byron. In 2006, nearly 300 teachers, psychologists, authors and childcare experts got together to warn that keeping children cooped up indoors playing on computer games instead of out in the fresh air could actually contribute to the rise of mental health and behavioural problems.

Stay vigilant
Clare Scott-Dryden is founder of ChildAlert (www.childalert.co.uk)

), a guidance organisation that aims to give parents information to keep kids safe and well. She’s met people who won’t let their child out alone, warning their little one there might be a bad man round the corner. ‘Not only does that child pick up on their parent’s anxiety, but they’ll become a victim before anything’s happened,’ she says. Compare this bubble-wrapped existence to the childhoods many of us enjoyed a generation ago. Long summer holidays whizzing around on bikes, climbing trees and playing outside all day with friends, only coming in for mealtimes or to have a plaster put on a cut. ‘As a parent, of course you need to be vigilant,’ says Clare. ‘Have your eyes and ears open to what they’re doing, who they’re talking to, where they’re going. But now, most children live their lives at superspeed – they are transported around as quickly as possible – and that means they’re less reliant on their instincts. We must encourage them to be aware of what’s going on around them.’

Open up communication
All parents want to feel their child can come to them with any issue. For a younger child, that might involve sharing feelings on upsetting things they’ve heard, such as the abduction of a child. Kids should be encouraged to talk about issues to help them put frightening information into a more balanced and reasonable context. For a parent of a teenager, keeping the lines of communication open may involve discussing things that may be bothering them online. That way, they’re more likely to confide in you if they’re being cyber-bullied, or worried about sexual predators.

There’s no minimum legal age
for leaving children home alone or letting them out alone, but experts agree it’s up to a parent to decide if their child is responsible enough. You can teach your child to stay safe After all, you can’t protect them all the time – they have to learn how to protect themselves, too.

What to do if a young child goes missing
If they disappear from home, check places where they might crawl or hide. For example cupboards, piles of washing, in and under beds, inside washing machines or cars. If you still can’t find them, call the police immediately. If you’re in a shop, act quickly. Tell the manager and security guard, then the police. The police will want to know your child’s name, age, height, weight, what they’re wearing and anything that marks them out.

FOUR things to teach kids

1.             Tell your children that they must never go off with anyone, even someone they know, without first asking you or their carer.

2.             Teach them their full name, address and phone number as soon they’re old enough to understand, and get them to practise saying them.

3.             Let children know that they never have to do anything they don’t like with an adult or older child – even if it’s someone they know.

4.             Teach older children safe ways of crossing roads, going shopping and asking adults for directions.

Taken from Out Alone: Your Guide to Keeping your Child Safe, a free NSPCC download