The purpose of
this site is for information and a record of Gerry McCann's Blog
Archives. As most people will appreciate GM deleted all past blogs
from the official website. Hopefully this Archive will be helpful to
anyone who is interested in Justice for Madeleine Beth McCann. Many
Note: This site does not belong to the McCanns. It belongs to Pamalam. If
you wish to contact the McCanns directly, please use
the contact/email details
Serialisation of Kate McCann's book Madeleine begins in The Sun and The Sunday Times, but
not on this site following a 'TAKE DOWN NOTICE' from the Corporate Legal Enforcement Team, who act for News Group
Newspapers Limited and Times Newspapers Limited.
who has today purchased The Sun newspaper will know, the title of this short piece appears at various points in the papers
exclusive serialisation of Kate McCann's book Madeleine.
It is now clear that this warning was no idle
threat, as this morning I received a 'TAKE DOWN NOTICE' from the Corporate Legal Enforcement Team, who act for News
Group Newspapers Limited and Times Newspapers Limited - publishers of The Sun and Sunday Times respectively (collectively
The notice related to content which had been published on this site (including text
and pictures) from the unpublished book written by Kate McCann - and which had been reproduced here from content originally
published on The Sun website.
It pointed out that News International controls copyright in relation to the unpublished
book and that Further News Group Newspapers Limited owns or controls copyright in the accompanying article published in The
Sun newspaper, and online, on 07 May 2011.
Given that neither I, nor this site, hold any copyright over the material
referenced in the notice, I have complied with this legal demand and now removed the articles. And whilst I could puff my
chest out and make rebellious noises, the fact is it would signify nothing.
Better to concentrate time and effort
on the search for the truth about what really happened to Madeleine and accept the absence of any extracts from Kate's
book. Whilst that is certainly unfortunate, it is, on the basis of extracts so far published, unlikely to impact on the continuing
search for the truth.
Serialisation of Kate's book starts
Saturday, 05 May 2011
I wud never purchase the Scum .. Im sorry .. Is there another
way i can buy the book . As a Liverpudlian it goes completley against the grain to buy this rag. I am so sorry Kate an Gerry
xx the search for Madeleine must never stop till we find her ..god bless you x
Response from the McCanns:
Thursday, 05 May 2011 at 20:17
Irene, if you don't want
to read the Sun, we would love for you to buy the book. You can purchase from Amazon or from your local book shop. And no
need to apologise. Everyone has papers they like and dislike. ;)
of you that want to buy the book in your local shop, it will be available at Asda, Sainsbury's, Tesco and WH Smith. It
will be available to order online at Amazon UK and can be ordered in print or as an eBook. Thanks to all that have already
Further message from the McCanns:
05 May 2011 at 21:43
Lesley, we will be on the Late Late Show tomorrow night. Sian, the book will be available
in the shops on the 12th of May. Kathia, we are checking with our publisher regarding the release in other countries. Will
keep you all posted.
Jenni Murray to talk to Kate McCann
on Woman's Hour, 05 May 2011
Jenni Murray to talk to Kate McCann on Woman's Hour
BBC Radio 4
Thursday 05 May 2011
NEXT ON: Next Thursday, 10:00 on BBC Radio 4
On today's Woman's
Hour Jenni Murray talks to Kate McCann about the on going search for her daughter.
Tormented Kate McCann: I go and sit
in Maddie's bedroom twice a day, 06 May 2011
Tormented Kate McCann: I go and sit in Maddie's
bedroom twice a day Daily Mail
By SAM GREENHILL Last updated at 11:07 PM on 6th May 2011
Kate McCann lives in 'utter torment' and still visits her lost daughter Madeleine's bedroom twice a day, she
Four years after Madeleine, then three, disappeared in Portugal, her mother re-opens the wounds
in a heart-wrenching book designed to shame the authorities who have 'given up' into re-launching the hunt.
Ahead of its publication on Madeleine's eighth birthday next Thursday, Mrs McCann, 43, declared she and her husband
Gerry 'hope and pray that it will bring us the result we long for' and that 'this whole ordeal and heartache will
be behind us before too much longer'.
Her deeply personal book attacks both the British and Portuguese police investigations into the case for refusing
to release potentially vital clues, adding that her pleas to them have 'fallen on deaf ears'.
couple, from Rothley, Leicestershire, both doctors, also hope sales of the book will raise £1million to continue funding
the worldwide hunt.
Mrs McCann said: 'Every penny we raise through its sales will be spent on our search for
Madeleine. Nothing is more important to us than finding our little girl.'
She added: 'Madeleine is still
missing and there is still a lot to be done. Our efforts to find her are not diminishing. If anything, they are escalating.
'The need for a review by the authorities of Madeleine's case remains, and our desire to achieve this
But she complained: 'We have tried in vain to get the authorities
to play their part but our requests have seemingly fallen on deaf ears.
'It is simply not acceptable that they
have, to all intents and purposes, given up on Madeleine. We need the authorities to do more.
'We are still
searching for her. Our small team continues to review all available information, even though we still don't have access
to all of the information that the UK and Portuguese authorities have.'
To the McCanns' intense frustration,
the Madeleine police files have been officially abandoned.
Mrs McCann said it was 'incredible' that
no police force was looking for Madeleine and there had been no formal review of the police evidence, despite this being 'routine
practice in most countries, especially when a key piece of the jigsaw may have been overlooked'.
wrote the book on the computer in her study over five months and said finishing it was a 'relief'. She turned down
the offer of a ghost writer, keen for the book to be in her own words.
Madeleine disappeared from her bed in the
family's holiday apartment in Praia da Luz on the Algarve on May 3, 2007, days before her fourth birthday, while her parents
were dining at a nearby tapas restaurant with friends. Her younger brother and sister, twins Sean and Amelie, who were sleeping
alongside her, are now six years old.
Friends say the McCanns' ordeal continues to take a daily
toll on their lives, but the couple live as normally as possible for the sake of their children.
Once the twins
are at school, Mrs McCann goes for a long run around the country lanes and, at weekends, she is often seen with the children
in the village, taking them to swimming and dancing lessons.
But twice a day, she also sets aside time to sit in
quiet reflection in Madeleine's bedroom, which friends say brings her comfort and solace.
The twins sometimes
play in the room, but it is off-limits to visitors.
Tortured Mrs McCann also returns to Praia da Luz twice
a year as it is where she feels closest to her lost daughter. She hopes that by penning her story, somebody, somewhere who
holds the key to unlocking the mystery will be prompted to come forward.
Friends say the process of writing the book was 'intensely
painful' for Mrs McCann. She was forced to relive the moment she realised Madeleine had vanished from her bed, and chart
the dramatic events in the months that followed when even she and her husband became suspects. They were later fully exonerated.
Mrs McCann said: 'This decision has not been an easy one. Many factors needed to be given thorough and careful
consideration, not least the impact of such a book on the lives of our three children. My reason for writing is simple –
to give an account of the truth.'
Her book will serve as a hard-hitting reply to the controversial book published
by former Portuguese detective Goncalo Amaral. He was sued for libel by the McCanns for publishing his theory – despite
minimal evidence to support it – that Madeleine died accidentally in the apartment and her parents staged an elaborate
I've been to hell and back to revive
the huge search for Madeleine, says Kate McCann, 07 May 2011
I've been to hell and back to revive the huge search for Madeleine, says Kate McCann Daily Express
By Padraic Flanagan and Tracey
Kandohia Saturday May 7,2011
KATE McCann reveals today how she forced
herself to relive the torment of her daughter Madeleine's disappearance in a bid to reignite the search.
Friends said she "went to hell and back" to write the book she hopes will find her daughter, recollecting every
detail from those first terrifying days four years ago.
She is being thrown back into the global media spotlight
as she prepares for the publication of her 400-page memoir titled Madeleine, billed as "the most heartbreaking book you
will ever read".
Friends revealed that GP Kate, 43 spent five months on the book – which goes on sale
on Madeleine's eighth birthday next Thursday – and often broke down reliving her nightmare.
its launch will be the key to the solution and is using it to appeal to the youngster's kidnappers to "let her come
"The whole family is undergoing great stress," said a friend who has been consoling Kate
at her home in Rothley, Leicestershire. "Kate's been in pieces."
She added: "Not only is the
book about her darling daughter, which she never wanted to write, coming out but the family has also had to cope with the
emotional fourth anniversary of her abduction."
The friend said: "Kate is a very private person and doesn't
like being in the public spotlight.
"She only wrote the book because the Find Madeleine Fund set up to search
for her daughter was running out of money.
"She has spent the last five months reliving every parent's
worst nightmare. She has only written the book because she feels it could help solve the mystery and could raise millions
of pounds for the fund.
"At times it has been heartbreaking but she has tried to keep strong and carried on
for Madeleine's sake. She is now facing a week from hell as the book comes out and she has to do media interviews to keep
it in the spotlight."
The friend said Kate's six-year-old twins, Sean and Amelie, helped their mother
Family spokesman Clarence Mitchell said: "At times reliving her nightmare has reduced her to tears.
But it has also given her a great sense of focus and renewed hope that it could lead to her daughter being found."
He added: "Kate is writing the book to raise awareness of her daughter's disappearance and to pay private
investigators to continue the search. Ultimately, she is hoping and praying it will lead to Madeleine being found alive."
Three-year-old Madeleine disappeared from the family's holiday flat in the resort of Praia da Luz, Portugal, on
May 3 2007. Kate and her heart specialist husband Gerry, 42, are convinced the £20 book, to be published worldwide,
will help to trigger new leads. They hope sales and syndication deals will raise more than £1million to boost the Find
The book was originally due to be released on April 28 but publishers Transworld delayed publication
by a fortnight over fears it would clash with the "media frenzy" surrounding the Royal Wedding.
said: "We cannot predict if it will be a bestseller but Kate and Gerry are hoping it will sell very well. Every copy
sold will assist the search for Madeleine."
Kate still finds solace in sitting in Madeleine's pretty pink
bedroom twice a day, revealing: "It's a comforting feeling. We haven't changed anything."
admits she is stronger and her anger – "a horrible negative emotion" – which nearly destroyed her in
the months after Madeleine's disappearance has subsided. She said "The wounds are less raw but the pain doesn't
go away and the anxiety is always there. But I am definitely a lot stronger than a year ago."
She added: "We've
got a lot of hope that Madeleine is still alive. The difficult task is trying to find her but whilst there is hope we'll
keep going and will certainly never give up."
Last Tuesday, the McCanns marked the anniversary with an open-air
prayer vigil in their village, attended by relatives and well-wishers. Commenting on the painful experience of writing the
book, devout Catholic Kate said: "We pray that it will bring us the result we long for and that not only the book but
this whole ordeal and heartache will be behind us before too much longer."
Kate McCann...4 years on, 07 May 2011
Kate McCann...4 years on Daily
Saturday 07 May 2011
I'm sure my Madeleine
is still alive
Kate McCann: Twice a day I go into her room, just to say 'Hello Madeleine' and
think of our bedtime cuddles Daily Mirror
by Rachael Bletchly 7/05/2011
HAUNTED by visions of her
daughter being dragged off by a pervert, Kate McCann lives a daily torment.
She has "flashes in her head"
of Madeleine being hurt and screaming for her parents as she is snatched and horrifically abused.
come in a book, simply called Madeleine, on the fourth anniversary of the disappearance of Kate and her husband Gerry's
beloved little girl.
The harrowing book forced them to recall every agonising moment of their daughter's disappearance,
the initial terrified search and the desperate aching need for her to come home alive.
In the book, she writes:
"I had a flashback recently of me and Gerry just holding each other afterwards and saying, 'We've let her down,
we've let her down', because we weren't there."
And they still believe she is alive. Kate tells
how twice a day, when her six-year-old twins are playing happily downstairs, she slips quietly into Madeleine’s bedroom
and sits on the floor, surrounded by toys and piles of unopened birthday and Christmas presents and talks to her missing child.
For the past four years Kate has followed this same touching ritual… "just to say hello to Madeleine".
But this week, as Kate and Gerry mark another year since Madeleine's disappearance and prepare for her eighth
birthday, the pain is somehow even worse.
"I feel Madeleine is still close to me and alive and I hope someone
is looking after her, that she's getting love and happiness," says Kate. "But the pain is incredible. I'm
her mum and I want to bring her back into the warmth and love of our family."
Kate and Gerry, both 43, have
endured a living hell since their daughter vanished during a family holiday in Praia da Luz, Portugal, in May 2007.
Unbelievably, they were accused of harming their own child and named "arguidos", or suspects, in the bungled Portuguese
police investigation which was shelved in 2008.
The McCanns hired private detectives to hunt for Madeleine, but
funds are running dry. So, desperate to reignite the search and raise money to pay for it, Kate bravely wrote her own account
of Madeleine’s disappearance. And the book, published with the help of Harry Potter author JK Rowling, is out on Thursday.
The McCanns hope it will prompt someone to come forward with information. And the £1million it is expected to
raise should pay for the detectives to keep hunting for another two years.
But Kate and Gerry know that means throwing
themselves back into the spotlight and facing the cruel whispers and sick conspiracy theories that still follow
them today. Kate has agreed to give a series of interviews but has shunned public book signings because she is scared of being
abused or physically attacked.
A friend reveals: "Kate couldn't cope with anyone having a go at her over
the book – writing it has been draining enough. Reliving every moment of Madeleine's disappearance has taken its
A law firm scrutinised the manuscript, knowing Kate wants to "settle scores" after the couple
were forced to take legal action to block the UK publication of a book called The Truth to The Lie, written by a detective,
Goncalo Amaral, which implicated the McCanns.
Furious the case has been abandoned, Kate and Gerry have launched
a petition calling for the Government to press the Portuguese authorities to reopen it.
Kate says: "If this
was a murder inquiry there'd be an investigation. But as it stands we have a perpetrator still at large who therefore
puts other children at risk, and we have a missing child."
This week Portuguese police were not returning
calls on the case, but their most recent statement said: "In July 2008, the Portuguese attorney general shelved the investigation
and lifted the arguido status of Mr and Mrs McCann." In the book Kate faces up to the question that's been asked
so many times – why did she and Gerry leave Madeleine and her two-year old brother and sister alone in that apartment
while they dined with friends?
She explains: "It felt safe. It took me just 37 seconds to get back to the
apartment. The fact I didn't have to consciously think, 'Is this right or wrong?' implies I thought it was totally
Since then, Kate admits sometimes wishing she was dead. She says: "I used to have thoughts like
maybe we'll get wiped out on the motorway. It would just happen and the pain would go away. There were times when I did
want it to end. I wouldn't have done anything, but what I do know now is that I don't want that.
am desperate to be here with [their twins] Sean and Amelie and to help find Madeleine. I'm stronger than I was, which
is positive, but there is guilt and discomfort – I think, 'How come I am doing OK and coping better…
that's not right'."
Four years on Kate and Gerry never had any real chance of returning to normal
life. After returning home to Rothley, Leics, heart specialist Gerry went back to work at a hospital in Leicester but Kate
gave up her job as a GP.
A devout Catholic, she has made several visits back to Praia da Luz to stay with the local
parish priest Father Haynes Hubbard, saying it helps her feel close to Madeleine. But so does sitting in her daughter's
room treasuring every memory of Madeleine – a much-loved IVF child.
"Oh my God there are lots,"
she smiles. "I used to take Madeleine swimming and she had this really tight swimming cap. She was only three, but she
would just walk along on her own, really confident.
"These huge eyes would look at me through the glass and
she'd be waving, 'Hi Mummy' and I'd be texting Gerry saying, 'She has got me crying again'.
"Madeleine was a gift. We had quite a difficult time trying to have her and I never took her for granted. Every day
when I'd see those huge eyes looking at me I'd say thank God for Madeleine.
"So I like to go to her
room to say hello, and think of just lying with her."
Kate and Gerry McCann have been haunted by visions of their missing daughter Madeleine
Saturday, 7 May 2011
Kate McCann was stuck in an "endless bad dream" and haunted by visions of her missing daughter Madeleine after
her disappearance, she has said.
In a personal account of how the three-year-old vanished on a 2007 family holiday
to Portugal, Mrs McCann described how she immediately feared that the youngster had fallen victim to a paedophile.
In an extract from the book, which is entitled Madeleine and released next week, the 43-year-old said: "The truly awful
manifestation of what I was feeling was a macabre slideshow of vivid pictures in my brain that taunted me relentlessly.
"I was crying out that I could see Madeleine lying cold and mottled, on a big grey stone slab. The pictures I
saw of our Madeleine no sane human being would want in her head, but they were in mine. I simply couldn't rid myself of
these evil scenes in the early days and weeks."
The book's release comes almost four years after the three-year-old
vanished. It was written by Mrs McCann using her personal diaries. In another extract, serialised by The Sun, Mrs McCann revealed
that her husband Gerry was also wracked with similar harrowing thoughts and visions.
Mrs McCann wrote: "I
asked Gerry apprehensively if he'd had any really horrible thoughts or visions of Madeleine. He nodded. Haltingly I told
him about the awful pictures that scrolled through my head of her body torn apart. I struggled constantly to think nice thoughts
and drift off to sleep, but the demons had me in their grip and would torture me mercilessly with images too frightening and
painful to share."
Mrs McCann, from Rothley, Leicestershire, also lays bare how she wanted to kill and "inflict
the maximum pain possible" on the person who had abducted her daughter. The book also criticises the Portuguese authorities,
who shelved the investigation into Madeleine's disappearance in July 2008, for failing to investigate other alleged child
It also documents the moment Mrs McCann discovered that her daughter had vanished from their
apartment in the resort of Praia du Luz and the frantic search that ensued. The former doctor, who had been dining with her
husband and seven friends at a tapas restaurant 100 metres from the youngster's room, said: "When I realised Madeleine
wasn't actually there, I went through to our bedroom to see if she'd got into our bed.
"On the discovery
of another empty bed, the first wave of panic hit me. Nausea, terror, disbelief, fear. Icy fear. Dear God, no! Please, no!"
Proceeds from the 384-page book, which Mrs McCann has written herself without the aid of a ghost writer, will boost
the dwindling fund to search for her daughter.
Tormented Kate McCann: I'm tortured
by thought that Maddie is being abused by a paedophile, 07 May 2011
Tormented Kate McCann: I'm tortured by thought that
Maddie is being abused by a paedophile Daily Mail
By SAM GREENHILL and LYDIA WARREN Last updated at 1:49 AM on 7th May 2011
Kate McCann is consumed by the fear that Madeleine was snatched by a paedophile.
Four years after
her daughter disappeared in Portugal, she has revealed she is tortured by a belief an abuser is responsible.
an interview, Mrs McCann, 43, describes the guilt she endures on a daily basis over her daughter's abduction.
'I become consumed with it. It was torture for me. It was horrible, so vivid,' she said.
Madeleine was snatched from her bed in the McCanns' apartment at a resort in Praia da Luz, Portugal, on the evening
of May 3, 2007, days before she turned four.
Her parents were dining with friends at a restaurant, fewer than 100
yards away, and regularly returned to the room to check on their three sleeping children.
But the last time Mrs
McCann went to check she found Madeleine had gone.
In her forthcoming book, to be called Madeleine, she writes:
'When she was first stolen, paedophiles were all we could think about, and it ate away at us.
awful manifestation of what I was feeling was a macabre slideshow of vivid pictures in my brain that taunted me relentlessly.
'I was crying out that I could see Madeleine lying, cold and mottled on a big grey stone slab.
idea of a monster like this touching my daughter, stroking her, defiling her perfect little body, just killed me over and
'I would lie in bed, hating the person who had done this to us – the person who had taken
away our little girl and terrified her. I hated him. I wanted to kill him.'
She told the Sun newspaper how her worries intensified when
she heard of other abductions involving children nearby. Mrs McCann from Rothley, Leicestershire, also discloses the pressures
the ordeal put on her 12-year marriage to husband Gerry.
Immediately after the kidnapping, the couple struggled
to cope with their loss and their feelings of guilt. And while she continued on a relentless search for their daughter, he
admitted he needed to 'switch off at times'. Mrs McCann, a part-time GP before Madeleine's disappearance, said:
'Gerry and I were just holding each other and saying: 'We're not going to survive this.''
didn't know if I would ever get back to the person I was. I was conscious about the effect this had on Gerry. He needed
me to be together and I just couldn't get myself there.'
Mr McCann added: 'There were times when I
thought she would never get back to being the woman I loved.
'I felt our family was being destroyed. It felt like a fight
for survival. That's when I couldn't see a way out.'
His wife credits the support of a trauma consultant,
who joined them in Portugal immediately, for the survival of their marriage.
She also said the strength of their
two other children, six-year-old twins Amelie and Sean, helped them get through.
Four years after her abduction,
Mrs McCann reveals the memory she has of her little girl is frozen in time and she finds it difficult to imagine her as an
eight year old.
She has had three dreams of her, all of them describing a phone call she receives informing her
that Madeleine has been found.
She said: 'There she is and I'm cuddling her. The thing is, it's so
tangible. I can feel her, smell her, feel her snuggling into me, like she always did.
'She's there, I'm
holding her, I'm so happy. And then I wake up. And of course she's not there. The pain is crippling.'
The couple hope sales of the book will raise £1million to continue funding the worldwide hunt. Mrs McCann said: 'Every
penny we raise through its sales will be spent on our search for Madeleine. Nothing is more important to us than finding our
'Madeleine is still missing and there is still a lot to be done. Our efforts to find her are not
diminishing. If anything, they are escalating.
'The need for a review by the authorities of Madeleine's
case remains, and our desire to achieve this unwavering.'
But she complained: 'We have tried in vain to
get the authorities to play their part but our requests have seemingly fallen on deaf ears.
'It is simply not
acceptable that they have, to all intents and purposes, given up on Madeleine. We need the authorities to do more.
'We are still searching for her. Our small team continues to review all available information, even though we still
don't have access to all of the information that the UK and Portuguese authorities have.'
To the McCanns' intense frustration, the Madeleine police
files have been officially abandoned.
Mrs McCann said it was 'incredible' that no police force was looking
for Madeleine and there had been no formal review of the police evidence, despite this being 'routine practice in most
countries, especially when a key piece of the jigsaw may have been overlooked'.
Mrs McCann wrote the book on
the computer in her study over five months and said finishing it was a 'relief'. She turned down the offer of a ghost
Friends say the McCanns' ordeal takes a daily toll on their lives, but the couple live as normally
as possible for the sake of their children.
She is often seen with the children in the village, taking them to
swimming and dancing lessons.
The 'naughty man'... What twins call kidnapper
Madeline McCann's twin siblings will be haunted by the tragedy
of their missing sister for the rest of their lives, their mother fears.
Amelie and Sean were just two years old
when Maddie was snatched from her bed while they slept only a few feet away.
And while the pair, who are now six
and attending school, still talk about their older sister, Kate McCann says they are still too young to fully comprehend the
She said: 'I am well aware, if God forbid we are still in this situation, that the pain and the
anger and the upset will come as they get older and they realise what actually happened.'
Their mother revealed
how she and husband Gerry have found it difficult to explain to the twins why they cannot see their sister any more.
She added: 'We've been as honest as we can. They know that Madeleine was stolen. They call the person who took her
"the naughty man".'
Mrs McCann said the children knew their sister had disappeared in Portugal.
'Amelie said, "We went to Portugal and then we woke up and Madeleine was gone."'
twins' school in Leicestershire, where Madeleine was due to attend, teachers try to keep their lives as normal as possible.
All the children at the school know what happened – which in some respects has made the job harder. According
to the McCanns, one new boy once said to Sean: 'Madeleine is dead, someone shot her.'
Sean later told his
parents about it – but handled the situation well, they said.
Mr McCann said: 'He was very matter-of-fact.
He said no one knows where Madeleine is.'
His wife added: 'All the parents have been really supportive
and I don't blame the child at all, they are only young.
'Children do say things. But I think Sean and
Amelie have handled it brilliantly.'
The McCanns said they have drawn strength from the twins, who often comfort
them when they are in need.
Dear God, no! The moment she knew Maddie was gone
by ELEANOR HARDING
Kate McCann has described for the first time ever the horrifying
moment she discovered Madeleine was missing from her bed.
In her heart-rending new book, she tells how she went
back to check on Madeleine and her two-year-old twin siblings, Amelie and Sean.
As she entered the apartment, she
felt a draft and noticed the door to the children's bedroom was wide open – but did not immediately realise a stranger
She said: 'When I realised Madeleine wasn't actually there, I went through to our bedroom
to see if she'd got into our bed. That would explain the open door.
'On the discovery of another empty
bed, the first wave of panic hit me. As I ran back into the children's room the closed curtains flew up in a gust of wind.
'My heart lurched as I saw now, that, behind them, the window was wide open and the shutters on the outside raised
all the way up. Nausea, terror, disbelief, fear. Icy fear. Dear God, no! Please, no!'
still had the corners neatly turned over – and her Cuddle Cat soft toy and pink princess blanket were still lying where
she had been sleeping.
Dashing over to the other two beds, Mrs McCann said she found the twins sleeping on obliviously.
She then spent 15 seconds frantically searching the cupboards, wardrobe and bathroom of the apartment – but admitted
she already feared Madeleine had gone.
Mrs McCann then ran down to the rest of the party shouting, 'Madeleine's
gone! Someone's taken her!' As everyone rushed back and began to search, Mrs McCann ran into the car park yelling
her lost daughter's name. In extracts printed by The Sun, she tells of how windy it was, and says she kept imagining how
cold Madeleine would be in her short-sleeved Eeyore pyjamas, and wishing she'd had her warmer Barbie pyjamas on.
Recalling how fear was 'shearing' through her body, she said the party raised the alarm with the Ocean Club,
where they were staying, at about 10.10pm, and asked them to call the police – who did not arrive immediately.
When Mrs McCann went back into the room to check on the twins, she was surprised to see them still sleeping – which
made her suspect that they could have been sedated.
Madeleine McCann's little brother
promises mum he will never stop looking for her, 07 May 2011
Madeleine McCann's little brother promises mum he will never stop looking for her Sunday Mirror
By Justin Penrose 8/05/2011
Kate McCann has told how her twins give her the strength to fight on and try to find missing Madeleine.
years after her daughter was abducted in the Algarve at the age of three, Kate has revealed a poignant conversation with Sean
and Amelie, now six.
"Sean said to me recently, 'When you're old me and Amelie will look for Madeleine,"
"I was chatting to Amelie and she said, 'Mummy's sad because Madeleine is not here. But
Amelie is here, and Amelie and Sean will always be here.'"
Kate, speaking before her book Madeleine is
published to raise funds to help the hunt for her daughter, told how she worried that she would not be able to cope with losing
her child and not knowing what had happened to her.
This was compounded by fears that the worldwide search could
tear the family apart and heap pressure on her marriage to husband Gerry.
But the twins, who were asleep in
the same holiday apartment as Madeleine in Praia Da Luz, Portugal, when she was snatched on May 3 2007, have been the couple's
Kate, who in the months after Madeleine's disappearance clung to her daughter's favourite Cuddle
Cat toy as a link to the missing toddler, said: "They include Madeleine in everything.
"If they have
sweets they ask if they can put the last one in her room. We've been as honest as we can. They know that Madeleine was
stolen. They call the person who took her 'the naughty man'." She said the twins, who were just two years old
at the time, can recall how they went on holiday to Portugal, woke up and their big sister was gone.
Madeleine, who would now be nearly eight years old, was snatched
from her bed in the McCanns' apartment at the holiday resort.
Kate and Gerry were having dinner with friends
in a restaurant close to their apartment and regularly checked on their sleeping children. But the last time Kate went to
check she made the horrific discovery that Madeleine was gone.
Portuguese police made only a half-hearted effort
to find her before making Kate and Gerry suspects.
And despite a worldwide hunt Madeleine has not been found.
In her book, published this Thursday, Kate reveals that she is haunted by the fear that Maddie was snatched by a paedophile.
She wrote: "When she was first stolen, paedophiles were all we could think about, and it ate away at us.
idea of a monster like this touching my daughter, stroking her, defiling her perfect little body, just killed me over and
"It didn't make any difference that this might not be an explanation for Madeleine's abduction
(and please God it isn't). The fact that it was a possibility was enough to prevent me from shutting it out.
"I would lie in bed, hating the person who had done this to us – the person who had taken away our little girl
and terrified her.
"I hated him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to inflict the maximum pain possible on him
for heaping all this misery on my family."
She told The Sun newspaper how her fears intensified when she heard
about other attacks on children nearby.
The former GP from Rothley, Leics, added that she was consumed with guilt
at having left the children alone but did not think there was any risk that they would come to harm.
after Madeleine's disappearance Kate said she could not get horrendous images of her daughter out of her head.
She wrote: "The truly awful manifestation of what I was feeling was a macabre slideshow of vivid pictures in my brain
that taunted me relentlessly.
"I was crying out that I could see Madeleine lying cold and mottled on a big
grey stone slab.
"I struggled constantly to think nice thoughts and drift off to sleep, but the demons had
me in their grip and would torture me mercilessly with images too frightening and painful to share.
in my diary from that time: 'Crying in bed again – can't help it. The thought of Madeleine's fear and pain
tears me apart. The thought of paedophiles makes me want to rip my skin off.'"
Kate also reveals the heart-rending
moment she made the horrifying discovery that her beloved little girl had been snatched from her bed. She had gone back to
the apartment and felt a draught while the children's bedroom door was wide open.
When she saw Madeleine was not in her bed, Kate checked to see if
she was in hers.
She said: "On the discovery of another empty bed the first wave of panic hit me. As I ran
back into the children's room the closed curtains flew up in a great gust of wind.
"My heart lurched as
I saw that, behind them, the window was wide open and the shutters on the outside raised all the way up. Nausea, terror disbelief,
fear. Icy fear." After scouring the apartment, panic-stricken Kate ran quickly out to alert Gerry and their friends that
Madeleine had gone missing.
"As soon as our table was in sight I started screaming: 'Madeleine's gone!
Someone's taken her!'" she wrote.
As everyone started to search for her she ran into the car park
shouting Madeleine's name.
She added: "It was so cold and windy. I kept picturing her in her short-sleeved
Marks & Spencer Eeyore pyjamas and feeling how chilled she would be. Fear was shearing through my body."
As the search continued Kate went back to the apartment to check on the twins, who had slept soundly through the whole ordeal.
Kate feared that the toddlers had been sedated by Madeleine's abductor, who may have also drugged Maddy to keep
Madeleine by Kate McCann will be published by Bantam Press on May 12.
Maddie Police quiz convicted murderers
as Kate McCann gives chilling account of moment she found daughter missing, 07 May 2011
Maddie Police quiz convicted murderers as Kate McCann
gives chilling account of moment she found daughter missing Daily Mail
By IAN GALLAGHER Last updated at 11:56 PM on 7th May 2011
Two convicted paedophiles have been questioned by British police over the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.
O'Neill, 48, and William Lauchlan, 34, were jailed last year over sex attacks on children and the murder of a mother who
had threatened to expose them.
The Mail on Sunday has learned they were interviewed in prison by detectives after
inquiries revealed they were touring Spain, and possibly Portugal, on false passports when Madeleine vanished in May 2007.
It is the first time that it has become known publicly that British police have interviewed anyone in
connection with the case. Both men are described as highly dangerous.
Police interest in O'Neill, in particular,
was heightened because of his resemblance to a thin, spotty suspect seen hanging around the holiday complex in Praia da Luz
on the Algarve shortly before three-year-old Madeleine vanished.
A senior officer involved in the investigation
said: 'Lauchlan and O’Neill have been interviewed in prison but the whole Madeleine McCann inquiry is being kept
extremely tight at the very highest level.
'Basically nobody outside Leicestershire Constabulary knows exactly
what is going on with the McCann inquiry.'
Leicestershire Police said they could not comment because the inquiry
is being led by the Policia Judiciaria in Lisbon.
The development came as, for the first time, Madeleine's
mother Kate described in chilling detail the moment she discovered her daughter was missing from her bed at their holiday
Madeleine disappeared from her room at the Ocean Club resort in Praia da Luz on May 3, 2007. Mrs McCann
and her husband Gerry, on holiday with seven friends, had been dining less than 100 yards away in a tapas restaurant on the
Mark Warner complex.
The adults had taken it in turns to check on the sleeping children. In a book to be published
this week, Mrs McCann, 43, relives the moment she returned to the apartment, where she had left Madeleine beside twins Amelie
and Sean, then aged two.
She tells how she realised something was wrong when she noticed that the door to the children's
bedroom was wide open – not as she and her husband had left it. She glanced at Madeleine's bed but couldn't
make her out in the dark.
When she was sure Madeleine wasn't there, she went to check her own room. When she
could not see her daughter there either, she panicked and ran back to the children's room.
'My heart lurched
as I saw now that, behind them, the window was wide open and the shutters on the outside raised all the way up. Nausea, terror,
disbelief, fear. Icy fear. Dear God, no! Please, no!'
Mrs McCann, a former GP, said she went automatically
into what she calls a 'well-practised medical emergency mode', scouring the apartment to exclude all other possibilities,
'mentally ticking boxes I knew, deep down, were already ticked'.
She then ran back to her husband and their
friends in the restaurant. 'As soon as our table was in sight I started screaming, "Madeleine's gone! Someone's
The group returned to the apartment to widen the search and raise the alarm.
McCann said: 'I vividly recall sobbing, "Not Madeleine, not Madeleine." I was trying so hard to suppress the
negative voice in my head tormenting me with the words, "She's gone. She's gone."
when the dark clouds close in on me, I find myself shaking my head manically and repeating over and over again, "Not
Madeleine, not Madeleine. Please God, not my Madeleine."'
The book, Madeleine, took Mrs McCann nine months
to complete. It is based on diaries she has written for her daughter to read if she is found. It will be published on May
12 – Madeleine's eighth birthday. The McCanns say all proceeds will go to the fund that was set up to cover the
costs of the worldwide search for their child.
That search has now focused on Lauchlan and O'Neill, who are
childhood friends originally from Largs, near Glasgow. They were jailed for a total of 56 years last June for a catalogue
of abuse both in Britain and abroad.
A source said: 'It cannot be overestimated how violent these
two are. They are known to have strong links to other paedophiles. Without doubt they are among the worst serial paedophiles
At the High Court in Glasgow last year, Lauchlan and O'Neill were convicted of murdering mother-of-three
Allison McGarrigle at their Largs home in 1997 and dumping her body at sea after she threatened to expose their abuse.
Following their conviction, officers throughout Britain and Europe were alerted after it was revealed that the pair
had left the country on fake passports in October 2006, weeks after being released from an earlier sentence for sickening
child abuse crimes.
Masquerading as cleaners, the pair were given easy access to holiday villas and apartments
by unsuspecting clients.
They were living in Vecindario, an industrial town in Gran Canaria, when seven-year-old
schoolboy Yeremi Vargas vanished while playing near his home. The youngster is still missing but his mother remains convinced
that the Scottish killers are responsible.
Detectives involved in both the Madeleine McCann and Yeremi Vargas inquiries
have worked closely together.
Lauchlan and O'Neill are known to have toured extensively and some reports suggested
they were in the Algarve at the time Madeleine disappeared. A spokesman for the McCann family said it was 'encouraging'
that information was still being sought by police.
Many of O'Neill and Lauchlan's crimes are thought to
have gone unreported because their terrified young victims were too scared to come forward.
Masquerading as cousins,
the gay lovers were first jailed in 1998 at the High Court in Glasgow after admitting a five-year catalogue of abuse involving
youngsters in Scotland.
During his sentence, O'Neill was said to have told fellow prisoners at Glasgow's
Barlinnie jail that he had killed Rothesay mother-of-three Mrs McGarrigle, who had disappeared a year earlier, and thrown
her body in the sea to stop her exposing his sex crimes.
Both men served four years before being released in 2002.
Lauchlan was released on licence but broke his parole conditions and fled to Spain after being told he would be returned to
O'Neill remained in Scotland but fled to join Lauchlan in Spain in 2003 after abusing a 14-year-old
in Irvine, Ayrshire.
In 2004, the two men were arrested by Spanish police near Alicante on the Costa Blanca after
abducting a 14-year-old boy to abuse during a camping trip. They were deported to Britain and while in prison for breaking
their parole conditions, were charged in April 2005 with the murder of Mrs McGarrigle.
But prosecutors decided
there was insufficient evidence and both men were released.
It was at this point, late in 2006, that Lauchlan and
O'Neill evaded the British authorities and fled to Spain to prey on new victims.
After their true identities
were exposed in the summer of 2007, they returned to Britain and a homeless hostel in Blackpool. Within weeks they were again
grooming youngsters for sex.
Then an associate came forward with fresh information about the death of Mrs McGarrigle.
Lauchlan and O'Neill were arrested, going on trial early in 2010.
They were convicted of grooming a six-year-old
boy in Falkirk, an earlier sex attack on a 14-year-old in Benidorm and of the murder of Mrs McGarrigle.
was sentenced to a minimum 30 years behind bars and Lauchlan to 26 years.
Kate McCann 'felt like committing
suicide after Madeleine's death', 08 May 2011
Kate McCann 'felt like committing suicide after Madeleine's death' The Telegraph
Kate McCann 'felt like committing suicide after Madeleine's disappearance' The Telegraph
Kate McCann felt like committing suicide in the weeks after her daughter Madelaine vanished from a holiday apartment
in Portugal four years ago, she has disclosed.
By Nigel Bunyan 5:38PM BST
08 May 2011
The little girl was three years old when she was abducted, having been left alone with her brother
and sister, Sean and Amelie, while their parents dined with friends nearby.
Her mother realised she had been taken
as she made the latest of a series of half-hourly checks. The bedroom window was open, with the shutter having been raised
from the outside.
In a new book to mark the fourth anniversary of her daughter's disappearance, Mrs McCann
recalls running outside, screaming: "Madeleine's gone! Someone's taken her!"
Later, she sank
into fits and anguish and depression that eventually threatened to destroy her relationship with her husband, Gerry.
She writes: "I had an overwhelming urge to swim out across the ocean, as hard and as fast as I could; to swim and swim
and swim until I was so far out and so exhausted I could just allow the water to pull me under and relieve me of this torment.
"I wasn't keeping that desire to myself, either. I was shouting it out to anyone who happened to be in the
room. Both this urge and the expression of it were, I suppose, an outlet for the crucifying anguish.
inflicting physical pain on myself seemed to be the only possible way of escaping my internal pain. The other truly awful
manifestation of what I was feeling was a macabre slide show of vivid pictures in my brain that taunted me relentlessly.
"I was crying out that I could see Madeleine lying, cold and mottled, on a big grey stone slab. Looking back,
seeing me like this must have been terrible for my friends and relatives, particularly my parents, but I couldn't help
Her inner torment contrasts with the widespread public perception, and particularly on internet forums,
that at the time she seemed remarkably composed.
The reality, she insists, was that she had gone into shock.
"It's quite frightening when I see myself in those early days," she says. "To me I look incredibly
fragile and confused and lost."
The failure by Portuguese police to trace either Madeleine or her abductor
condemned the McCanns to a life of unrelenting torment. In Kate McCann’s case, this was punctuated by flashes of how
she imagined Madeleine might be suffering.
"It was a long time before I was able to allow myself to take real
pleasure in anything. I couldn't watch television, read a book, listen to music ... How could I possibly take pleasure
in anything without my daughter?"
The new book has been written to raise money for the ongoing Find Madeleine
campaign. Madeleine’s siblings are now aged six.
Kate McCann: I slept with the children
on night before Madeleine vanished after having row with Gerry, 08 May 2011
Kate McCann: I slept with the children on night before
Madeleine vanished after having row with Gerry Daily Mail
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER Last updated at 6:41 PM on 8th May 2011
She reveals how she slept in a separate room after she felt hurt and upset by what husband Gerry
The hours leading up to moment Madeleine was discovered missing are revealed
the McCanns left their three children alone in the holiday apartment
Angry Kate McCann slept alone the night before Madeleine disappeared after Gerry offended her at dinner,
she revealed today.
Upset by his 'abrupt' behaviour, she took a spare bed in the children's room at
the family's holiday apartment in Portugal.
In another extract of her upcoming book, Mrs McCann reveals she
is haunted by an awful missed chance when she believes Madeleine tried to alert her that somebody had attempted to break into
the bedroom where she slept with her siblings Sean and Amelie.
With hindsight, it could have been her 'one
chance to prevent what was about to happen', said Mrs McCann, adding: 'And I blew it.'
aged three from her bed in the family's apartment in Praia da Luz, the Algarve, on the evening of May 3, 2007, while her
parents were eating at a nearby Tapas restaurant - as they did every night of the holiday.
The possible missed
chance came at breakfast on the day Madeleine vanished, when the little girl disconcerted her mother by asking: 'Why didn't
you come when Sean and I cried last night?' Mrs McCann, 43, says: 'Not for a moment did we think there might be some
sinister explanation. But it is [now] my belief there was somebody either in or trying to get into the children's
bedroom that night, and that is what disturbed them.
'So haunted have I been ever since by Madeleine's
words that I've continued to blame myself for not sitting down and making completely certain there was no more information
I could draw out of her.' Her heart-wrenching book, called Madeleine, is being published this Thursday - the day of Madeleine's
In one extract, Mrs McCann describes her horror at discovering a predatory paedophile could easily have
been tipped off that Madeleine was vulnerable, by a staff note on display at reception which revealed the McCanns 'were
leaving our young children alone...and checking on them intermittently'. The note was written by a receptionist to staff
explaining why they wanted to reserve tables every night close to their apartment.
Although she is 'loath'
to make it public by writing it in the book, Mrs McCann describes how she and Gerry had a row on the final night before their
daughter was lost.
As the couple and their holiday friends were enjoying a drink at the bar, at 11.50pm, Mr McCann
'abruptly announced' that he was tired and off to bed.
His wife was 'slightly hurt' he had gone
without her, and writes: 'He's not a touchy-feely guy. Like many men, he assumes I take his feelings as read and doesn't
see any need to express them with soft-soaping, flowers or cards.
'I am not sure why I was miffed by his lack
of social graces that particular evening. Perhaps because the other guys in the group were all attentive "new men",
compared with Gerry at least, and I was a bit embarrassed.' When she followed him a few minutes later, she found him already
asleep and snoring and so, 'still feeling a bit offended', she chose a bed in the children's room because 'my
peaceful slumbering babies were more attractive room-mates'.
Former GP Mrs McCann, whose 384-page book is being
serialised in The Sunday Times and The Sun newspapers, says she still feels sad at the memory - though stresses the 'isolated'
incident was not reflective of their relationship as a couple.
In an interview with The Sunday Times, Mrs McCann
says her hospital consultant husband had an ability to 'switch off' from the grief, and was 'functioning'
again much sooner than she was. She admitted: 'Sometimes I found it almost offensive, as if somehow he wasn't grieving
Recalling a television appeal to the abductor they recorded together, Mr McCann added: 'That day
I remember we were concerned we weren't crying. The thing is, we're not actors. We were trying to focus on getting
our message out.' The McCanns, of Rothley, Leicestershire, are hoping the sale of the book will raise £1million
to fund the continued search for their missing daughter.
Yesterday Mrs McCann and her youngest daughter Amelie
attended church in the village, where prayers were said for Madeleine.
Mrs McCann dispels suggestions she and Gerry
were drunk on the fateful night, saying their alcohol consumption was 'hardly excessive', and that although their
group of nine friends was nosier than other tables, they were not 'partying wildly'.
In fact, she said
they were so tired they nearly had dinner inside their own apartment on the night Madeleine vanished - but then decided that
would be anti-social.
With the bumbling Portuguese police getting nowhere,
terror-struck Kate McCann turned to all she had left: divine intervention.
Five hours after Madeleine went missing,
she tried to mobilise a mass prayer at 3am.
First she telephoned her friend Father Paul Seddon, the priest who
had married her and Gerry in 1998, and then her best friend Michelle back in the UK.
'I needed her to get her
large Catholic family praying too,' said Mrs McCann, who had already been on her knees in her bedroom, 'begging God
and Our Lady to protect Madeleine and help us find her'.
Unsurprisingly, her friend Michelle was asleep and
her partner Jon, who answered the phone, was at first reluctant to wake her.
Mrs McCann said: 'Poor Jon - I
don't think he could quite get his brain in gear for a moment or two. "No one's listening" I wept. "Nothing's
happening".' After arranging the mass prayer, Mrs McCann could not sleep, but her husband told her: 'Kate, we
need to rest.'
WHY THEY HAD NO BABYSITTER
Leaving Madeleine with a babysitter who
none of them knew would have been 'unwise', Kate McCann declares in her book.
Explaining why they did not
make use of the babysitting service offered by the Ocean Club, she said the couple never even thought about it.
said: 'I could argue that leaving my children alone with someone neither we nor they knew would have been unwise, and
it's certainly not something we'd do at home, but we didn't even consider it.
'We felt so secure
we simply didn't think it was necessary.' With the infamous tapas restaurant 'so near', the McCanns and their
friends decided to do their own child-checking service, said Mrs McCann, adding: 'It goes without saying that we now bitterly
However British police later told the couple their holiday apartment, being a corner flat on the
ground floor, next to two roads and with secluded entrances, made it a perfect target for criminals. IVF
Battle: 'The first time we saw our little Madeleine'
Childless Kate and Gerry McCann endured
two traumatic bouts of IVF treatment before conceiving Madeleine.
As a young doctor, Mrs McCann had seen countless
desperate women put themselves through the procedure - and had declared then she would never put herself through the pain
if she ever found she could not have children naturally.
But after two years of failing to get pregnant, she said
she 'didn't think twice' about going down the IVF route, and her first attempt seemed to go well. She felt so
confident and excited, going to the hospital two weeks after the embryos were implanted, that when the pregnancy test was
negative, 'I simply couldn't believe it,' she recalls. Two months later, the couple had a further setback, when
the hospital informed them two more healthy embryos they had had frozen during the first IVF attempt had not survived being
defrosted. 'Another pallet of bricks dropped on my chest,' said Mrs McCann of the news.
The couple were
keen to start trying again immediately, but a practical problem stood in their way: at the point Gerry would need to provide
his sperm, he was due to give a presentation at a cardiac conference in Berlin, an important stepping stone in his career.
Mrs McCann recalled: 'My heart sank. It would mean many more months of waiting, but how could he miss this conference?
That evening, as I was cooking dinner, Gerry gave me a hug and told me he'd decided not to go to Berlin. The IVF was more
This time, the procedure was successful, and at six weeks' pregnant, Mrs McCann had a scan
and saw a beating heart.
'And that was the first time we saw our little Madeleine,' she says. 'Even
then she was beautiful.'
Kate McCann: 'She was beautiful
even in her first scan', 09 May 2011
Kate McCann: 'She was beautiful even in her first scan' Daily Express
By David Pilditch Monday
KATE McCann told yesterday of her joy at giving birth to Madeleine.
Kate McCann finally conceived after undergoing extensive IVF treatment.
Kate, 43, met husband
Gerry when they were young doctors working in different departments of Glasgow's Western Infirmary before marrying in
December 1998. She revealed how the couple were keen to start a family straight away.
They began fertility treatment
after Kate was diagnosed with endometriosis – a condition which affects two million women in Britain.
underwent a year of treatment before the couple decided their only option was "assisted conception". In her new
book Madeleine, Kate wrote: "As a senior house officer in gynaecology, I'd seen the sadness and desperation etched
on the faces of the women coming up to the ward to undergo fertility treatment."
She had told herself that
in their position she would "accept what was meant to be" rather than put herself through the "traumatic”
process. But Kate wrote: "When it came to it, I didn't think twice."
She said the couple's first
attempt went smoothly. Kate said she produced plenty of eggs and, once fertilised, an "excellent percentage" resulted
in embryos. Kate told how she was confident the procedure would work – but was heartbroken when she discovered it had
She wrote: "I cannot understand how I allowed myself to be so certain, especially as I knew, not only
as a would-be mother but also as a doctor, how emotionally devastating the peaks and troughs associated with IVF can be. I
cried and cried and cried."
The couple made a second attempt two months later using two embryos they had frozen
– only to discover they also had failed to survive.
Kate faced the daunting prospect of starting from scratch
– and insisted on pressing ahead immediately. She told how the process went "less smoothly" and the couple
felt "very despondent”.
Two weeks later they used a home pregnancy testing kit the night before Kate's
crucial hospital appointment.
She told how a "faint blue line" appeared on the indicator signalling a
But, she wrote: "I just didn't dare believe it."
Kate told how she wept
tears of joy when the pregnancy was officially confirmed the next day.
It was not until Kate's six-week ultrasound
scan that she finally "allowed myself to believe it".
Of seeing a tiny heart beating she wrote: "That
was the first time we saw our little Madeleine.
"Even then she was beautiful."
of Madeleine drove me to the brink of suicide, admits Kate McCann Daily Express
By David Pilditch Monday
KATE McCann told yesterday how the torment of her daughter's
disappearance drove her to the brink of suicide.
Kate McCann revealed for the first time the "crucifying
anguish" she has endured since Madeleine vanished four years ago.
And the 43-year-old GP explained how her
despair had threatened to destroy her marriage.
Kate, who is haunted by guilt and visions of her daughter being
abused by a pervert, spoke of her fears that husband Gerry had stopped loving her.
And she revealed how, in anger,
she slept in another bedroom the night before Madeleine went missing because Gerry had "abruptly" left dinner without
The darkest days for Kate came immediately after Madeleine, a few days before her fourth birthday, went missing
from the family's holiday apartment in Praia da Luz, Portugal, on May 3, 2007.
In a deeply personal account,
Kate wrote: "I had an overwhelming urge to swim out across the ocean, as hard and as fast as I could; to swim and swim
and swim until I was so far out and so exhausted I could just allow the water to pull me under and relieve me of this torment.
"I wasn't keeping that desire to myself, either. I was shouting it out to anyone who happened to be in the
"Somehow, inflicting physical pain on myself seemed to be the only possible way of escaping my internal
"The other truly awful manifestation of what I was feeling was a macabre slide show of vivid pictures
in my brain that taunted me relentlessly. I was crying out that I could see Madeleine lying, cold and mottled, on a big grey
Kate told how she was swamped with dark thoughts, breaking down in front of relatives who had
flown to the Algarve to comfort her.
At the time, critics accused Kate of being "cold and emotionless".
Kate blamed shock for her "detached appearance" and says the criticisms left her with a legacy of "crippling
She could not face going to the supermarket for a year after Madeleine disappeared.
Kate, who has six-year-old twins Sean and Amelie, wrote: "Wednesday, May 2 was our last completely happy day.
Our last, to date, as a family of five."
The couple, from Rothley, Leicestershire, enjoyed their first "fun"
night out shortly before Christmas last year. It came at a local golf society dinner where the couple felt "safe"
Heart consultant Gerry, 42, said: "We weren't sitting together and I was watching Kate
and realised I hadn't seen her smile as much in the past three-and-a-half years. That made me really happy."
Kate told how constant thoughts of Madeleine's suffering and fear meant she was unable to enjoy watching television,
read a book or listen to music.
She wrote: "How could I possibly take pleasure in anything without my daughter."
Her obsessive thoughts threatened to wreck her marriage – as she regarded Gerry's ability to switch off
Gerry, in turn, became "exasperated" by his wife's unending sorrow, feeling
he had lost her forever.
Kate wrote: "Gerry was functioning much sooner than I was. I sometimes found it almost
offensive as if somehow he wasn't grieving enough. He would suggest doing something nice – and I would cry."
She told about the "isolated" incident on their final night together. She described how she felt "offended"
when Gerry got up from dinner, announced he was tired and marched off to bed.
She was "miffed by his lack
of social graces" and decided to sleep in the spare room with Madeleine and the twins.
The revelations come
in Kate's 384-page book, entitled Madeleine.
Kate is hoping the memoir will reignite the search for her daughter.
The book goes on sale on Thursday – Madeleine's eighth birthday – and orders have already placed it at the
top of online retailer Amazon's chart.
Yesterday Kate, a devout Roman Catholic, attended a church service with
One local said: "Prayers were said for Madeleine and other missing children."
Kate McCann fears restaurant reservation
book tipped off Madeleine McCann's abductor, 09 May 2011
Kate McCann fears restaurant reservation book tipped
off Madeleine McCann's abductor Daily Mirror
By Martin Fricker 9/05/2011
McCann may have been snatched after perverts spotted in a tapas reservation book she had been left alone at her holiday flat,
mum Kate fears.
The distraught 43-year-old told how she had ordered a table close to the apartment so she
and husband Gerry could pop over to check on their daughter and twins Sean and Amelie as they slept.
But the book
was left open and in full view of other diners at the Ocean Club resort restaurant.
Kate said: "It was by
definition accessible to staff and, albeit unintentionally, probably to guests and visitors, too.
my horror, I saw that, no doubt in all innocence, the receptionist had added we wanted to eat close to our flats as we were
leaving our young children alone there, checking on them intermittently."
Kate revealed the blunder in her
new book Madeleine. Her three-year-old daughter was kidnapped while she and Gerry, 43, ate with friends.
discovered the security lapse when she reviewed Portuguese police files after the investigation was axed.
also told in her book how she felt suicidal in the days following Madeleine's disappearance from Praia da Luz in May 2007.
And she said Gerry appeared "callous" as he was able to hide his emotions while she was a wreck.
by visions of her innocent daughter being abused by vile paedophiles, Kate revealed she had an "overwhelming
urge to swim out across the ocean, as hard and as fast as I could" and drown.
She added: "To swim and
swim and swim until I was so far out and so exhausted I could just allow the water to pull me under and relieve me of this
"And I wasn't keeping that desire to myself, either. I was shouting it out to anyone who happened
to be in the room.
"Looking back, seeing me like this must have been terrible for my friends and relatives,
particularly my parents, but I couldn’t help myself."
Of her husband's ability to switch off despite
their harrowing ordeal, she wrote: "Gerry was functioning much sooner than I was. I sometimes found it almost offensive;
as if somehow he wasn’t grieving enough.
"He would suggest doing something nice, and I would cry. It
was a long time before I was able to allow myself to take pleasure in anything.
"How could I possibly without
Kate also revealed she and Gerry slept in separate beds the night before their daughter vanished.
She was angry after he left the dinner table abruptly.
And when she returned to their apartment, he was snoring.
Kate added: "Still feeling a bit offended, I decided to sleep with the children.
"This was highly unusual,
unprecedented, even. I wasn't the type to flounce off to the spare room and never would have done so at home.
"Though it can have had no bearing on subsequent events, the thought of Gerry and me sleeping alone on this
of all nights still makes me feel sad."
In the book, Kate also describes the terrible moment when the couple's
lawyer in Portugal, Carlos Pinto de Abreu, revealed police were offering her a plea bargain in exchange for a confession.
The deal outlined by cops was that if Kate admitted Madeleine died in an accident in the holiday apartment she would
serve only two years in jail.
She says: "I wasn't sure I could possibly have heard him correctly. My incredulity
turned to rage. How dare they suggest I lie? How dare they expect me to live with such a charge against my name?"
The despairing couple had been made "arguidos" – official suspects – by the Portugese police.
Under the guise of forensics, police had taken away their clothes, their twins' toys, Madeleine’s favourite
"Cuddle Cat", a bible and Kate's diaries – leaving them with the clothes on their backs.
strain showed yesterday as Kate attended church with six-year-old Amelie near their home in Rothley, Leics.
the youngster was clutching Madeleine's Cuddle Cat toy. Her brother Sean stayed in the house with heart specialist Gerry.
Kate McCann smashed bed in frustration
after being accused of murdering Madeleine, 09 May 2011
Kate McCann smashed bed in frustration after being accused of murdering Madeleine The Telegraph
Kate McCann has laid bare her shock and outrage after Portuguese police officials made her and husband Gerry suspects
in the abduction of her daughter Madeleine.
Kate McCann's book, entitled Madeline, will be published on May 12
2:35AM BST 09 May 2011
The former doctor, 43, also reveals how she smashed
a bed in frustration over their handling of the investigation and how detectives attempted to bully her into a murder confession.
In a personal account of the three-year-old's 2007 disappearance, Mrs McCann said she and her husband were appalled
by the treatment they received from the Policia Judiciaria, especially in the early stages of the hunt.
one police interrogation in an extract from the book Madeleine, released on Thursday, she said: "I felt I was being bullied,
and I suppose I was.
"I assumed the tactics were deliberate - knock her off balance by telling her that her
daughter is dead and get her to confess.
"On and on it went. They tried to convince me I'd had a blackout
- 'a loss of memory episode', I think they called it.
"My denials, answers and pleas fell on deaf
ears. This was their theory and they wanted to shoe horn me into it, end of story."
In another stinging criticism
of the Portuguese authorities in the immediate aftermath of the abduction, she added: "I was appalled by the treatment
we received. Officers walked past us as if we weren't there. Nobody asked how we were doing, whether we were okay.
"Our child had been stolen and I felt as if I didn't exist."'
Mrs McCann also describes
how she and her husband felt "completely alone" while searching for their daughter the day after her disappearance.
In another extract, serialised by The Sun today, she said: "Nobody else, it seemed, was looking for Madeleine.
"The frustration and anger were reaching boiling point. I felt like a caged, demented animal. This was torture
of the cruellest kind, Finally, I erupted. I began to scream, swear and lash out.
"I kicked an extra bed that
had been brought into the apartment and smashed the end right off."'
Confess and get 'only two years',
police urged Kate McCann: But she kept strong with four-letter chant, 09 May 2011
Confess and get 'only two years', police urged
Kate McCann: But she kept strong with four-letter chant Daily Mail
By SAM GREENHILL Last updated at 11:23 PM on 9th May 2011
•Police offered her a 'lenient' jail term if she confessed to disposing
of Madeleine • Officers 'evidence' of McCanns' guilt included Kate's visit to a priest •
During first few hours of Madeleine's disappearance police smoked and joked
Kate McCann was speechless
with fury when police offered her a 'lenient' jail term if she confessed to disposing of Madeleine's body.
Her Portuguese lawyer even tried to sweeten the pill by suggesting that while she stayed in jail, her husband Gerry
could go back to work.
The extraordinary day the couple became suspects was their most despairing of all, and Mrs
McCann says in her forthcoming book, serialised in The Sun, that even her normally-solid husband was distraught.
She said: 'He was on his knees, sobbing, his head hung low. "We're finished. Our life is over", he kept
Mrs McCann says their predicament was all the worse because it meant police had long since given up
looking for their missing daughter.
The plea-bargain offer was put to the McCanns by their lawyer, Carlos Pinto
de Abreu. He told them Mrs McCann could get 'only two years' if she admitted Madeleine had died in an accident in
the apartment, and confessed to hiding and later disposing of her body.
Mrs McCann, 43, writes: 'Pardon? I
wasn't sure I could possibly have heard him correctly. Did they really expect me to confess to a crime they had made up,
to falsely claim to the whole world that my daughter was dead, when the result would be that the whole world stopped looking
She says her 'ferocious maternal instinct' to protect her child was more powerful than her
'I felt strangely invincible,' she says. 'The PJ [Policia Judiciaria] can beat me up and
throw me in a prison cell, but I will not lie ... I will do everything I can to help Madeleine.'
in his own 'tearful' police interview, Mr McCann had pleaded with officers: 'Do you have any evidence that Madeleine
is dead? We're her parents. You have to tell us.'
Desperate for any information the police had, he asked
if the case was now a murder inquiry. 'The answer was indirect,' writes Mrs McCann, who says they replied: 'You
can probably guess that from our lack of response.'
Madeleine disappeared aged three from the McCanns'
holiday apartment in Praia da Luz, on the Algarve, on the night of May 3, 2007.
The police theory was that she
had died in an accident, and the McCanns had hidden her body and later buried it elsewhere. One of their pieces of 'evidence'
was that devout Roman Catholic Mrs McCann had asked to see a priest on the night Madeleine vanished.
people in Portugal 'only called for a priest when they wanted their sins to be forgiven', she says.
police also had a witness who claimed to have seen Mr and Mrs McCann carrying a big black bag and acting suspiciously.
Mrs McCann says their lawyer warned them: 'If you were Portuguese, this would be enough to put you in prison.'
Eleven months later, when the McCanns were allowed access to the police files, they discovered the DNA and sniffer
dog evidence the Portuguese police were relying on – obtained with help from the UK – was weak.
McCann says: 'The full report from the UK Forensic Science Service, sent to them before they interrogated us, had concluded
that the DNA results were "too complex for meaningful interpretation".'
She says: 'There was
no evidence whatsoever that Madeleine was dead. The search had to go on.'
The McCanns said they were treated
appallingly even before they were made 'arguidos' – suspects – in September 2007.
On May 4,
with Madeleine missing for just a few terrifying hours, they sat in a police station while officers in T-shirts and jeans
smoked and exchanged banter.
Mrs McCann says: 'I felt as if I didn't exist.' It seemed to her that
no one was bothering to look for her 'baby'.
In the extracts printed in The Sun, she recounts how one bungling
police officer supposedly looking for Madeleine did not even recognise the three-year-old in a photocopied picture.
Twenty-four hours after their daughter went missing, Mrs McCann says, her frustration and anger were reaching boiling point.
'I felt like a caged, demented animal,' she says.
'This was torture of the cruellest kind. Finally,
I erupted. I began to scream, swear and lash out.
'I kicked an extra bed that had been brought into the apartment
and smashed the end right off it. Prostrate on the floor, sobbing like a baby, I felt utterly defeated and broken.'
The former GP from Rothley, Leicestershire, is hoping her 384-page book will reinvigorate the search for Madeleine,
and raise £1million to fund the continued hunt.
Detectives led astray by sniffer dogs
Portuguese police case against the McCanns relied on dubious evidence from two British sniffer dogs.
Grime took his highly-trained spaniels Keela and Eddie to the apartment Madeleine was taken from.
In her book,
serialised in The Sun, Mrs McCann recalls the 100th day of the hunt for Madeleine when a police officer told her the two dogs
had indicated blood and human remains were in the apartment.
'Police appeared to be telling us, on the say-so
of a dog, that someone had definitely died in apartment 5a and it must have been Madeleine.'
Later, she says,
the Portuguese officer boasted about the success rate of the dogs. This helped persuade the authorities to name the McCanns
as 'arguidos' or official suspects.
However, after forensic tests were carried out it became clear that
no scientific evidence could be found to back up the reaction of the sniffer dogs.
Mr Grime is now a director of
a forensic science company, GSS International, and is employed as a sniffer dog expert. He owns both his former police dogs
and they continue to work with him.
Yesterday he was in the U.S. on business and a spokesman for the Hampshire-based
company said he had been asked by police in the UK not to comment on the McCann case.
Mr Grime and his dog Eddie
were involved in the search for remains at the Haut de la Garenne children's home in Jersey.
The massive investigation
in 2008 ended with the conclusion that nothing suspicious was found at the scene and there was no evidence of murder.
CHANT KEPT HER STRONG
Boiling with rage as a policeman accused her of killing her daughter,
Kate McCann kept control of her temper by whispering '****ing tosser' at him.
She was in the police interview
room under intense pressure to confess, as Portuguese detectives confronted her with their so-called evidence that Madeleine
had died in the holiday apartment.
Mrs McCann swore under her breath in a quiet chant to keep herself strong, she
reveals in extracts of her book being serialised in The Sun.
Mrs McCann said detective Ricardo Paiva was interrogating
her in the Portimao police station on Friday, September 7 – having previously been the McCanns' police liaison officer.
'This was the man who invited us to his home for dinner,' she says. 'Our children played with his son.'
Now he was suggesting that she had 'sedated' the twins and was unable to cope with three children.
'I knew exactly where this line of questioning was going and I refused to give in to it,' she says. 'I remember
feeling disdain for Ricardo. What was he doing? Just following orders?
'Under my breath I found myself whispering,
"****ing tosser, ****ing tosser". This quiet chant somehow kept me strong, kept me in control.'
'I looked in bin and thought: Please
God, don't let Madeleine be in here', 10 May 2011
'I looked in bin and thought: Please God, don't
let Madeleine be in here' The Scotsman
By Angus Howarth Published Date: 10 May 2011
mother of Madeleine McCann has relived the frantic search that followed her daughter's disappearance on holiday in Portugal's
Kate McCann has written a book about the agony she and husband Gerry faced, their frustration with police
and their fears for their young child.
Madeleine was almost four when she went missing from the couple's holiday
apartment while they were eating at a nearby tapas restaurant with friends.
The following day, as soon as it was
light, they began their long and desperate search of the surrounding area.
Mrs McCann wrote: "We jumped over
walls and raked through undergrowth. We looked in ditches and holes.
"I remember opening up a big dumpster
and saying to myself 'Please God, don't let her be in here'. The most striking and horrible thing was that we
were completely alone. Nobody else, it seemed, was out looking for Madeleine."
She said that when she and
her husband returned to the apartment the previous evening a window had been opened from the outside and blinds were fluttering
in the wind.
The couple fear Madeleine was abducted and have admitted that "when she was first stolen, paedophiles
were all we could think about and it ate away at us".
Mrs McCann, 43, still believes a man seen by one of
their friends earlier that evening, who was holding a child, is the person who snatched Madeleine.
I learned of the man our friend Jane had seen in the street," she wrote. "Although Gerry and our friends had been
trying to protect me from further distress by not telling me about this sooner, when they did I was strangely relieved.
"He was carrying a sleeping child horizontally across his arms, the child's legs dangling. Although Jane
had never seen or known about Madeleine's Eeyore pyjamas, her description of this child's night clothes matched Madeleine's
"There was little doubt in my mind then, nor is there now, that what Jane saw was Madeleine's
abductor taking her away."
When she was first interviewed by police she was hopeful that detectives would
find Madeleine, but that belief soon turned to despair at how the investigation progressed.
She wrote: "As
João Carlos, a Portuguese detective, led me up the stairs, I inquired whether he had any children. He told me he hadn't.
'But don't worry. We will find your daughter'. It was exactly what I was yearning to hear."
five hours later, when their police driver received a message on his radio and suddenly performed a U-turn before heading
back to Portimão at 120mph, she thought the police had found Madeleine.
"I cannot overstate how terrifying
this was," Mrs McCann wrote.
"Had Madeleine been found? Was she alive? Was she dead? I was crying hysterically
and praying for all I was worth.
"Back in the police station someone showed us a photograph of a blonde child
with a woman in a petrol station shop. We were asked whether the little girl was Madeleine. She wasn't. We were sent on
our way, devastated."
As the search went on she tired of "hollow"
police assurances that "everything that can be done is being done" and grew increasingly angry.
frustration and anger were reaching boiling point," she wrote.
"I felt like a caged, demented animal.
This was torture of the cruellest kind. Finally, I erupted. I began to scream, swear and lash out. I kicked an extra bed that
had been brought into the apartment and smashed the end right off it.
"Then came the inevitable tears. Prostrate
on the floor, sobbing like a baby, I felt utterly defeated and broken. I had not slept in 42 hours. I was exhausted and my
whole body was racked with pain."
Kate McCann describes agony in new book,
10 May 2011
Kate McCann has revealed that after Madeleine vanished "my sexual desire plummeted to zero".
she and husband Gerry, 42, could not concentrate on anything but their missing three-year-old.
Kate, 43, admits
she had an "inability to permit myself any pleasure, whether reading a book or making love with my husband"
She added she had "the revulsion stirred up by my fear that Madeleine had suffered the worst fate we could imagine
– falling into the hands of a paedophile".
In her book, Madeleine, Kate tells of the pain of flying
home without her and of the terrible guilt that put their marriage under huge strain.
And even after receiving
a blessing from the Pope, Kate says she doubted her faith.
"There've been many times I've felt God
deserted me and let Madeleine down," she said. "I occasionally doubted His existence altogether."
Maddie nightmare killed off our love
life, says Kate McCann as she reveals guilt stopped her taking any pleasure in life, 10 May 2011
Maddie nightmare killed off our love life, says Kate
McCann as she reveals guilt stopped her taking any pleasure in life Daily Mail
By SAM GREENHILL Last updated at 10:16 PM on 10th May 2011
Mrs McCann says her husband never made her feel guilty
in social services themselves to 'pre-empt' any interest
Kate McCann has told how she
battled to save her marriage in the wake of the disappearance of her daughter.Kate McCann has told how she battled to save
her marriage in the wake of the disappearance of her daughter.
In her book she says she felt too guilty to take
any pleasure in life, including making love to her husband Gerry.
She was also plagued by fears that a paedophile
may have taken Madeleine. 'Tortured as I was by these images, it's not surprising that even the thought of sex repulsed
me,' says Mrs McCann in the serialisation of her book in The Sun.
Battle: Kate McCann has
told of how she struggled to save her marriage to Gerry in the wake of the disappearance of their daughter Madeleine in 2007
'I worried about Gerry and me. I worried that if I didn’t get our sex life on track our whole relationship
would break down.'
In her account, Mrs McCann says her husband was supportive throughout her worst years, never
making her feel guilty. She said he would put his arm around her to reassure her and would tell her he loved her.
Her approach to getting her marriage back on track – which 'seems to have worked' –
was to concentrate on what her husband meant to her and their love for each other, and tell herself the 'evil person'
who took Madeleine must not be allowed to destroy anything else in her life.
For years, Mrs McCann says she was
'weighed down by guilt', and could not even bear to sit down unless it was for a purpose such as eating or using the
After four months of searching for Madeleine in Portugal, the couple were forced to make the unbearable
journey home without her, breaking down in tears when they landed back in Britain.
Mrs McCann said her 42-year-old
husband, who was carrying their two-year-old son Sean against his chest as they descended the aircraft steps, was being 'so
strong but I knew he was dying inside'.
Back at their house in Rothley, Leicestershire, later that day, she
returned to Madeleine's bedroom for the first time – and imagined her daughter was still there.
that she stood at the open door and stared inside and could almost see Madeleine lying on her side, her head resting gently
on the pillow with her blonde hair spread out behind.
When they returned from Portugal, the McCanns had been declared
arguidos – suspects – in Madeleine's disappearance, and former GP Mrs McCann says she and her hospital consultant
husband recognised there would be pressure on the authorities to assess the welfare of their twins, Sean and Amelie.
Distraught: Kate McCann has told of the couples return home to Leicestershire
and how she imagined seeing her daughter in her bedroom
They called in social services themselves
to 'pre-empt' any interest, and were 'resigned' to being interviewed at their home by social workers about
their parenting skills.
As they tried to get back into the routine of life in the UK, there were constant painful
reminders of their previous happiness.
Back at Sean and Amelie's nursery – which Madeleine also attended
– Mrs McCann says she recalled how the twins would spy their older sister from the window and say, 'There's
Magalin', in their toddler babble. Mrs McCann says: 'Their doting big sister would wave at them, bringing beaming
smiles to their little faces. God, it hurt.'
Madeleine disappeared aged three from the McCanns' holiday
apartment in Praia da Luz on the Algarve on the night of May 3, 2007 while the McCanns were dining with friends.
Her mother's book will be published tomorrow, on what would be her eighth birthday.
DISAPPEARANCE MADE KATE QUESTION HER FAITH
Church pews have taken a 'thumping' from Kate McCann
angry that God has not answered her prayers, she reveals.
The devout Catholic said her daughter's disappearance
made her question her faith.
In her book, being serialised in The Sun, Mrs McCann says: 'There have been many
times when I've felt God has deserted me or that He has let Madeleine down . . .
I've been angry with Him. I've shouted out loud and on occasion I've hit things. (I'm afraid even the church
pews have had the odd thumping!).' She says she finds comfort in the thought that wherever Madeleine is, God is with her.
Madeleine McCann: Kate McCann fears
outfit may have led to kidnap, 11 May 2011
Madeleine McCann: Kate McCann fears outfit may have led to kidnap The Telegraph
The mother of Madeleine McCann fears that a particular outfit worn by her daughter while on holiday in Portugal
may have made her a target for kidnappers.
McCann family handout photo taken at 2.29pm on May 3 - the day Madeleine McCann (right) went missing
By Laura Roberts 7:45AM
BST 11 May 2011
Kate McCann, whose account of the tragedy is being serialised by The Sun, said that she
now wonders whether other people were admiring her daughter's peach top just as she was.
She said: "I
was following her with my eyes admiring her. I wonder now if someone else was doing the same."
from Rothley, Leics was wearing a peach smocked top from Gap.
Madeleine went missing aged three while on holiday
with her family in Praia da Luz, Portugal in 2007. She vanished from her bedroom on May 3 where she was sleeping with her
twin siblings Sean and Amelie, now aged six, while her parents had supper with friends at a nearby tapas restaurant.
Mrs McCann, 43, also revealed that she "continued to blame" herself for not asking her daughter more questions
the day before she went missing when she commented during breakfast: "why didn't you come when Sean and I cried last
Mrs McCann said: "It is my belief there was somebody either in, or trying to get in, the children's
bedroom that night, sand that is what disturbed them."
Mrs McCann's book, Madeleine, is published on Thursday.
It is is expected to raise about £1million for the fund established four years ago to find Madeleine. The money
will be used to pay for private detectives to keep hunting for another two years.
Gerry McCann, 42, Madeleine's
father, has said: "We are hopeful that this book may help the investigation to find Madeleine.
is that it may prompt those who have relevant information to come forward and share it with our team."
On her eighth birthday, please help
us find our darling Maddie, pleads Kate McCann, 11 May 2011
On her eighth birthday, please help us find our darling
Maddie, pleads Kate McCann Daily Mail
By VANESSA ALLEN and SAM GREENHILL Last updated at 11:14 PM on 11th May
Kate McCann will today make a dramatic new appeal in the hunt for her daughter
Madeleine on the missing girl's eighth birthday.
Mrs McCann, 43, and her husband Gerry are to launch a new
phase of their four-year search for their daughter, and are already receiving fresh information prompted by Mrs McCann's
emotional account of the disappearance.
Her book, Madeleine, goes on sale today and the McCanns hope it will raise
£1million to provide continued funding for their private investigation.
They fear that potentially vital information given to
Portuguese and British police has been ignored, and will call for an independent review of the case. Madeleine disappeared
from her bed on May 3, 2007, during a family holiday in the Algarve, and has not been seen since.
In her new book,
serialised in The Sun, Mrs McCann told of her fear that the 'lovely' sight of Madeleine in a new outfit may have tempted
someone to kidnap her.
She said the pink smock top and shorts were bought specially for the family holiday in Praia
Her final photo of her daughter shows her wearing the new outfit and sitting with Mr McCann, 42, and younger
sister Amelie by the pool just hours before she disappeared.
In an extract from the book, Mrs McCann described Madeleine's Monsoon shorts and Gap smock, saying:
'A small extravagance, perhaps, but I'd pictured how lovely she would look in them and I was right.'
She adds: 'I was following her with my eyes admiring her. I wonder now, the nausea rising in my throat, if someone else
was doing the same.' Mrs McCann told The Sun that she and Gerry remain convinced their daughter is still alive,
and cannot give up just because she has been missing for four years.
She said: 'Certainly in my heart I feel
she is out there. We've never given up on finding her. What parent would give up on their child?'
insist there is no evidence to say Madeleine is dead, and so they have to assume she is not.
They have embarked
on a marathon round of TV appearances to rekindle worldwide interest, including an hour-long interview with Piers Morgan,
televised in the U.S. last night.
Mr and Mrs McCann cling to examples of children being returned home many years
after going missing, such as American Jaycee Dugard, abducted at 11 in California and freed aged 18.
have also drawn inspiration from meeting another girl, Elizabeth Smart, who was snatched from her home in Salt Lake City,
Utah, at the age of 14 and found after a year.
Pre-order sales of Mrs McCann's book mean it has already topped
the bestseller list on Amazon.co.uk.
All profits will go to the Find Madeleine fund, which employs a team
of private detectives to comb through clues, and funds a hotline to gather information.
In her book, Mrs McCann
also reveals that her family nearly chose to holiday at Center Parcs in the UK before making the fateful decision to switch
to the Algarve instead.
'It was the first in a series of apparently minor decisions I would give anything to
change now,' she says.
During the CNN interview, the McCanns were asked why they had not hired a nanny to look
after their three children while they went out for dinner with friends.
Mr McCann replied: 'It's not a
question of money. Child abduction is so rare. It didn't enter our head.'
"She must want a holiday home in
the Algarve", 17 May 2011
"She must want a holiday home in the Algarve" Destak
By Patrícia Susano Ferreira 17 May 2011 Thanks to Ines for translation
"I am not commenting on this book" and "I am not helping its promotion"
were the first words from Gonçalo Amaral when questioned about the launch of the book written by Kate McCann. However,
he guarantees that the words "of this lady are only lies", he laments the defamation that she has done to the Algarve,
describing it as a "place where children are raped" as well as the "vulgar language" she uses.
The former coordinator of the investigation into the disappearance of Madeleine dismissed even the hypothesis of reading
the book – "I like to read interesting things" – but promises that he will take recourse to Justice
if the contents cast doubt on his professionalism and ethics. Confronted by excerpts from the book – in which Kate guarantees
not having seen Amaral during the five months that he led the case of the disappearance – the ex-coordinator states
that he spoke to her since the "first day". The ex-coordinator added that Kate must be "planning to buy a holiday
home in the Algarve" with the proceeds from the book ("after having paid for her house with the money from the alleged
fund to search for Maddie") and guarantees that the cover of the book is a "plagiarism" of the cover of the
Dutch edition of his own book "A Verdade da Mentira". When contacted by Destak, the PJ chose not to comment on the
book and criticisms of Kate McCann about the investigation.
"The incentive to accept this "offer" seemed to be that if we didn't agree to it, the
authorities could or would go after us for murder, and if we were found guilty, we might both receive life sentences."
- Kate McCann, in 'Madeleine'
There is no such thing as a life sentence under Portuguese law.
Madeleine McCann book was for twins'
eyes only, 22 May 2011